The Next Step
by wideopeneyes
Summary: Rikku and Gippal have been best friends since childhood. Gippal is growing frustrated with Rikku's inability to see him as a man rather than a friend, but convincing her they're perfect for each other is going to be a problem.
1. Chapter 1

Something was tickling his nose. He twitched it, eyes still closed, trying futilely to dislodge whatever bit of fluff had taken up residence on his pillow, fluttering irritatingly against his nose. Finally, he brought up his hand to forcibly remove the aforementioned annoying bit, and came away with a fistful of blonde hair.

"Ouch! That's attached, you know." Rikku snuggled deeper into the covers, and her hair slid between his fingers, drifting in sunny disarray down over his pillows. A delicate hand skittered over his blankets, violent pink colored fingernails grasping at the coverlet and jerking it over her head.

"Cid's girl?" Gippal scratched his head, wondering if Rikku's appearance in his bedroom had been the result of his copious ingestion of alcohol the night before, or something else entirely. He was hoping for option two.

She mumbled something, but the covers over her head muffled the sound. Gippal took the opportunity to lift the covers to ascertain the status of his undergarments – or lack thereof. He was somewhat relieved to see that he _was_ wearing boxers – the pair that Rikku had given him as a gag gift for his twenty-first birthday. He was sober enough at this point to realize that if she caught him in them, he would never hear the end of it. So he rolled out of the bed, grabbed the nearest pair of pants – on the floor, a full five feet away from the clothes basket, where he'd haphazardly flung them last night on his way to bed – and jerked them on in record time.

Then he studied the figure sprawled out on his bed, mostly concealed by his blankets. Her dainty feet stuck out from under the covers, toenails painted a fluorescent orange.

"Hey. Cid's girl." He poked what he assumed to be her side, and was rewarded with a twitch.

"Go away. I'm sleeping."

"Not in my bed, you're not." He jerked the covers off of her, and then immediately wished he hadn't. She'd borrowed one of his shirts to use as a nightshirt, and it just barely hit mid-thigh. The sleeves drooped past her hands, and the collar dipped completely off one shoulder.

"Gippal. Gimme the covers back." She made a little annoyed sound in her throat, feeling along the bed for the covers.

"No way. My bed, my covers. How'd you get in, anyway? I could swear I locked the door." But he _had_ been more than a little drunk.

"You did." She sighed, lazily pulling herself up to sit cross-legged on the mattress. "I never met a lock I couldn't pick." She pulled her disordered hair over her shoulder, stretching luxuriously. The shirt rode higher, almost-but-not-quite exposing her. Gippal twitched.

"You can't just crawl into my bed whenever you feel like it, you know." He gave her his best scowl, tossing her ridiculously short skirt and ridiculously shorter top at her. "We're not kids anymore. Your old man would kill me if he caught you here."

She shrugged. "Pops never leaves Bikanel, and we've been best friends ever since I can remember. You're more like a brother than a friend."

Now _that_ hurt. Because when she turned up in _his_ bed, wearing _his_ shirts, he didn't feel very brotherly toward her. It had been this way as long as he'd known her. He'd always been the best friend, the confidante – he was willing to bet he'd never even been considered boyfriend material. And it was making him crazy. Because he'd been crazy about her for years, and she'd never taken a second glance at him. He'd been practically cemented into the dreaded 'best friend' role, relegated forever to midnight commsphere calls and tearful episodes in which she threw herself into his arms to lament the end of her relationship with whatever boy she had been seeing. Because they were all boys - he could never bring himself to think of any of them as men. They were too soft, too city for Rikku, who could never be content with a simple apartment in Kilika or a hut on Besaid. She needed adventure, craved excitement. She couldn't sit still for a moment, and she was still unable to see that Gippal was the one who could give her all those things, someone she'd never grow bored with. He was so frustrated he couldn't see straight.

"Look, kid. Someday you might decide to just pop on over while I've got company, and you'll get a nasty surprise," he warned. Rikku rolled her eyes.

"Oh, come on. You can't expect me to believe that you still have sleepovers at _your_ age."

He gave her a speaking glance. She realized her error and flushed.

"Oh. _Oh._ Well. Um." She jumped up, clutching her clothes, scampering towards the door. "Well. I mean, uh...it was nice to see you again. I'll make sure I call before I stop by next time. Sorry!" She fumbled with the doorknob, twisting the knob frantically, desperately.

"It's locked," he said, stifling a grin at her obvious discomfiture.

She glowed with embarrassment. Of course she'd relocked the door when she'd entered in the early hours of the morning. She'd just forgotten in her haste to escape the disconcerting situation in which she'd found herself.

"Thanks," she mumbled, flicking the lock open. She wrenched the door open. "I'll…I'll call sometime."

She practically dove from them room.

Gippal sighed, closing the door behind her. While he'd meant to embarrass her, he hadn't imagined that his comment would upset her as much as it had. He wasn't a monk, and he'd never claimed to be one. She couldn't expect him to be celibate, after all, since they weren't involved. Still, he harbored the hope that it was jealousy rather than the sudden realization that Gippal was a man with a man's urges that had caused her flight.

- - -

In the hallway, Rikku patted her hot cheeks, hoping that her blush had receded enough for her to get the hell out of Djose without being teased by any of the laborers.

Sure, she'd known that Gippal had women. Still, she'd never asked about them, and he'd never talked about them. On some level, it was disconcerting. She'd always thought that she was the only steady woman in Gippal's life, that no matter how many women he slept with, they would still always be best friends. The idea that someday he might not _want_ her around was scary. What if she and his future girlfriend didn't get along? Would Gippal choose his girlfriend over Rikku? Was it possible that their friendship wasn't nearly as solid as she liked to think it was?

And why now? Why had Gippal chosen that particular moment to mention that she might not always be welcome?

He'd been looking at her rather strangely. It was a different look, a calculating look, one that she couldn't quite decipher. Sometimes she just didn't understand him.

But, _wow_, did he _ever_ look great without a shirt.


	2. Chapter 2

"So, how's Gippal?"

Rikku winced. Trust Paine to hit on a sensitive issue.

"I don't really know," she replied sheepishly. "I haven't been to Djose in almost a month. Last time I was there he seemed a little irritated with me. I mean, he practically kicked me out of his bedroom. So I just started...avoiding him, I guess."

"You were in his _bedroom_?"

Rikku had no idea why Paine sounded so incredulous. "Yeah. We're best friends. We used to have sleepovers all the time. Although, he hogs the covers a lot more _now _than he used-"

"You were in his _bed_?" Yuna's fork paused midway to her mouth, which hung open far enough to expose her rear molars for everyone's viewing pleasure.

"He's like a _brother_, okay?" Irritated, Rikku folded her arms over her chest. Yuna cringed, and she and Paine exchanged looks. Finally, Paine broke the tense silence.

"Look, Rikku, I know you're not exactly fast on the uptake-" she talked right over Rikku's offended snort "-but Gippal's got a thing for you."

"A _thing_?" Rikku's voice rose in shock, and her quick backwards movement nearly upended her water glass.

"Yeah, you know. A crush. An infatuation. A _passion."_

That did it. Brilliant color flooded her cheeks. She was going to die of embarrassment. This was it, the end. How come no one had ever told her that humiliation was lethal? "I _know _what a crush is, you jerk. He doesn't have one on _me_."

"We're pretty sure he does," Yuna said regretfully. "We all thought you'd figure it out one day, but _wow. _I mean, poor Gippal. Finding you in his bed must've been like a dream come true. I'm surprised he didn't just jump you then and-"

"_Shut it," _Rikku shrieked, slapping her hands against her burning cheeks. "You're wrong. Gippal's got plenty of girls. What would he want with _me_?"

"Beats me," Paine said, earning a glare from across the table, "but the man _pines_ for you. It's a little sad, actually. But if I know Gippal, and I do, he's definitely got a thing for you."

"I've known Gippal longer than you have," Rikku snapped. "Don't you think I'd know if my best friend had a crush on me?"

"I don't know," Paine taunted. "Would you?"

"I would!" Rikku slapped her palm down on the table.

"Why don't you go ask him, then? Then we'd all know for sure, wouldn't we."

To Rikku, it was the perfect solution. Gippal would laugh it off, and then Paine would see that Rikku really did know Gippal better than anyone else. She threw down some bills, and fluttered her fingers at Paine and Yuna as she dashed off down the beach, towards her airship.

"Was that wise?" Yuna asked as she watched Rikku's retreating figure. Paine shrugged.

"I guess we'll find out, won't we."

- -

"Paine said _what?" _Gippal choked.

"I _know_. I told her she was wrong, but she said I should come and ask you so she'd know for certain. Crazy, huh?" Rikku collapsed into a chair, more than a little relieved.

"Damn." Gippal threw his greasy rag on the floor of the workshop, wiping his dirty hands on his pants. "When is that girl going to learn to keep her big mouth shut? If she were a man, I'd have kicked her ass all the way to Bevelle by now." He bent over, hands on his knees, grappling desperately for an excuse. "Sonuvabitch."

Rikku blinked. "Huh?" Unsteadily, she stood up. "It's not true. Is it? It can't be true."

"Ah, hell." He turned away from her. Something in the way she was wringing her fingers disturbed him. It was a timid, uncertain gesture. Rikku was never timid or uncertain. "I didn't think you'd find out." At least, not like _this_.

"But I thought..." her voice wavered. "I mean…we were best friends."

"Yeah, we were." He couldn't keep the bitterness from his voice. Because, like it or not, things were going to change. They'd never get back the casual friendship they'd once shared, and already he missed it.

"You never said anything." She made it sound as though he should have.

"What should I have said?" He slammed his fist against a wall in irritation, and she jumped. "What did you want me to say? 'Don't tell me about your boyfriends, kid, because it's killing me to hear how much you _adore _them?' _Grow up, Rikku._" It was a cruel thing to say, and he knew it. He just didn't particularly care at the moment.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Gippal."

He knew that already. He could hear it in her voice.

"Yeah, whatever. Look, just...just get out of here for a while, would you?" He couldn't look at her. He didn't want to see her pity.

She didn't have to be told twice. She ran.

This time, Gippal told himself, he was justified in getting horribly drunk. He wasted little time and went straight for his best whiskey. He twisted off the cap, and didn't even bother with a glass. He tilted the bottle to his lips and chugged a considerable amount. It burned like hell, but it did the trick. Soon enough, this whole unpleasant episode would be completely forgotten.

--

"So what did you do then?" Paine passed Rikku a tissue, patting her back in a very un-Paine-like manner.

"What do you think I did? I got the hell out of Djose. He told me to leave." Rikku sniffled, resting her cheek on her folded arms.

Paine sighed. "He _told_ you to leave, but he _wanted_ you to stay."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"It makes perfect sense." Paine whacked the back of Rikku's head.

"He hates me," Rikku replied mournfully, rubbing the spot that Paine had hit. She was too upset to complain about it. It seemed her world was crashing down around her. "He told me to leave Djose. He doesn't want to see me anymore. We're not…" she struggled to get out the words as a fresh bout of tears sprung to her eyes. "…We're not best friends anymore."

"Rikku, Gippal doesn't want to be best friends with you," Paine said. Rikku dropped her head back onto her arms, choking back a sob.

"I _know_," she said. "I kind of figured that part out on my own, thanks."

"Look, that's not what I meant." Paine grabbed a fistful of her hair in frustration. "He doesn't _just_ want to be best friends with you. He wants to be more than just friends, and he probably thinks you pity him."

"Huh?" Rikku raised her head, swiping away tears.

"If I know Gippal, and I believe that we've established that I do, he's probably getting wasted right now. You feel like you've lost your best friend, right?" She watched Rikku nod hesitantly. "Well, to Gippal, you were more than a friend. He's probably just as devastated, okay? So you're going to have to choose."

"Choose?"

"Knowing what you do now, do you still want Gippal around?"

Rikku thought back. As much as she'd been the only constant woman in Gippal's life, he'd been the only constant man in hers. Practically every major memory she had involved him. He'd always been there for her. She couldn't imagine not having him there to laugh with her, or to be her shoulder to cry on, or even to make her chocolate-chip pancakes at three in the morning. Cutting Gippal out of her life would be like cutting off a limb – he was the most important person in her life. He always had been.

"Of course I still want him around," she said. "He's…he's _Gippal_. I need him."

"You can't just be friends anymore," Paine cautioned. "There's no going back. You go forward together, or you go your separate ways. He'll never forget, and neither will you."

"So I've got to sleep with him or never speak to him again."

"Pretty much. Distasteful?"

"No," Rikku shook her head. Gippal had _always_ been good-looking. "I just…tried never to think of him that way. I thought it'd be better if we never complicated our friendship." She laughed a little. "Besides, he always had plenty of girls fluttering around him. I figured I wouldn't measure up. He's always been such a player that I didn't think it would be safe to get involved with him. I mean, what if…what if it didn't work out? Then I wouldn't have _anything._"

"Well, as it turns out, you're the standard by which all other women are measured. Don't you feel lucky?" Paine clapped Rikku's shoulder.

"Not really. I feel like an idiot. I spent so much time trying to be a good best friend that I actually turned out to be a horrible best friend. I've probably hurt him more than anyone else in Spira."

"I wouldn't say that. Nooj shot him once, you know," Paine quipped. Rikku threw a pillow at her.

"Shut up. I'm working up the courage to get my best friend back. Got any booze?"

Paine snorted. "Not if you're flying back to Djose."

"I promise I won't drink it until I've landed. I think I'm going to need some liquid courage for this."

"Don't sleep with him if you've got to get drunk to do it. That is not a healthy beginning for a relationship. You'll regret it, _and _you'll be giving him false hope." Paine seemed totally unperturbed by their conversation, whereas Rikku couldn't seem to fight off her blush.

"Look, I don't have to get drunk to sleep with Gippal," Rikku sighed. "It's just…you know, like the feeling that you get when you want to do something, you're just really nervous about it, and you don't know if you can do it without help?" Paine just looked at her blankly. "Never mind," Rikku said. She stood up, biting her lower lip. Then she ran her fingers through her hair, setting her shoulders resolutely. "Fuck it. I'm going to Djose."

- -

It was well past midnight when she got there, and she expected him to be in bed. But the door was unlocked, and the bed, though rumpled, wasn't occupied. So she dug through his drawers until she found a shirt that she liked, and changed into it. It was nerve-wracking, because she knew that there would be no going back from this step. She hadn't thought that she would ever be in this position, joining the ranks of women that Gippal took to bed. But if any of the stories that she'd heard were true, he'd be a fantastic lover.

"What're _you_ doing here?"

She whirled around with a little surprised cry. For someone who was supposedly hung up on her, he did not look at all happy to see her.

"I thought…I just…" she couldn't seem to force out a complete sentence.

"I told you to leave." He tossed the nearly empty bottle of whiskey onto the bed, striding unsteadily towards her. His hair was mussed, and he was slurring a bit. She guessed he'd been drinking for a while. Paine was right on all counts. Nervously, she tugged the hem of the shirt down a little lower. It was different, wearing something revealing around him and knowing he was noticing.

"Dammit, Rikku." He was scowling. It couldn't be a good sign. Rikku's confidence was steadily dropping, and tears pricked her eyes. With a harsh sound, he moved closer, yanking her into his embrace. His arms closed tightly around her, and one of his hands urged her head against his shoulder.

"Don't cry, kid. It's okay." His voice was suddenly soft and gentle.

And right then she really, _really_ wanted to cry. Because Paine was right. Gippal _didn't_ hate her.

Her fingers raked against the fabric of his shirt, and he was just drunk enough that he didn't realize she'd been working the buttons of his shirt free until it was hanging open and she was tugging it off of him.

"Hey, wait just a…Cid's girl, what the hell are you doing?" It was a lousy protest, and his reflexes were impaired enough that he couldn't stop her from yanking at his belt buckle. And from there, it was only a few moments before she tugged down his pants, revealing the same gag-gift-boxers he'd hid from her a few weeks before. It surprised her.

"You actually wear those?"

"Yeah." He was confused enough to answer.

"Why?"

"Because _you_ gave them to me."

It was, she realized, the answer she wanted to hear. So she pushed him backwards, conveniently tripping him on his own pants, which slid completely off as he landed half on the bed. The bottle of whiskey bounced off, landing with a muffled 'thunk' on the carpet.

She climbed onto the bed, straddling his hips. His hands came up to hold her hips, keeping her steady. She slid her hands over his chest, which was warm and hard beneath her fingers.

"This must be a dream."

It had never occurred to her that she could _possibly_ be someone's dream. But, she mused, _his_ was about to come true.


	3. Chapter 3

_This chapter contains material unsuitable for anyone under the age of eighteen. Absolutely do not continue if you are not of legal age to do so._

"So what are you going to do?" His fingers were tracing little circles on her hips. It was distracting.

"I haven't decided yet."

"Rikku."

"What?"

"You're blushing." One hand came up to touch her cheek, brushing softly against her flushed face.

"I _know_, shut up already," she grumbled. Finally, decisively, she began undoing the buttons on her shirt. His hands slid up her back under the shirt, hot and caressing. She shivered, letting the shirt hang open rather than removing it completely. It was dark in the room and she was still mostly covered. His fingers slid along her rib cage, almost touching her breasts. She sucked in a breath, waiting for his touch.

"Have you done this before?" He sounded vaguely curious.

Rikku hesitated. "Well, not really."

"You probably shouldn't start with me, then."

"I shouldn't?" Wasn't he the one who was _pining_ for her, as Paine had put it?

"No. I'll spoil you. You'll never want another man."

She smothered a giggle. "Don't be so cocky."

"I'm the best." He shrugged. "Nothing cocky about it."

"Prove it." It was easier when he went back to acting like himself, like everything was all fun and games. The awkwardness melted away.

His fingers inched higher, brushing the curves of her breasts. Her back arched just a little, pressing against his questing fingers. His thumbs brushed her nipples, and they peaked instantly. A little shiver worked its way down her spine. His hands reached her shoulders, gently pulling her down against him, her head tucked under his chin, then slid back to her hips, rocking her against him. Only the thin fabric of his boxers and her open shirt were between them, and she could feel him, hot and hard, against her belly.

'This is weird." Her fingers found the hair at the nape of his neck, sifting through the soft blond strands.

"Bad weird?" Those wandering hands of his explored each vertebra, ending at the small of her back. She shook her head.

"No, not bad weird." Especially not when his lips met the sensitive skin beneath her ear and her heart skipped a beat.

"Did Paine put you up to this?"

"Yeah, a little," she admitted.

"You don't have to do this." It was important to him that she knew that.

"I don't want us to stop being best friends. I'd miss you."

"Idiot." He flicked her nose. "We'll never stop being friends."

"Promise?"

"Yeah, kid." He sighed. "If you're going to leave, you'd better get out of here _now_." Because sooner or later it was going to be too late for him to let her go. At least he'd always have this memory, the feel of her soft and warm, cuddled against him, forever.

"I don't think I want to go."

She was going to be the death of him. He struggled for patience.

"Look, kid, I can only take so much, okay?"

"I know. Can I stay?"

"If you stay, I'm gonna fuck you."

He was trying to shock her into leaving by being so crass, and she knew it.

"You'd better be as good as you say you are, then."

He actually laughed. "I am," he said. "You won't be disappointed."

She thought that probably _he _was the one who was going to be disappointed. She had no idea what to do in a situation like this.  
He gently tugged the shirt off her shoulders, watching it pool at her hips. She resisted the urge to cover her bare breasts.

"You're blushing again." He traced the splash of color from her hairline all the way down to her chest.

"It's embarrassing," she said.

"Because it's me?"

"Sort of. I know that I'm not as pretty or as...as sophisticated as some of the girls you've been around with."

"You're beautiful," he said, and she knew he meant it, that to him, she really _was_ perfect.

He turned them, and her back hit the cool covers, soft and smooth. He tossed the shirt away carelessly, and his eyes never left hers. She relaxed a little, and her eyes fluttered closed. His lips found her throat, sucking delicately. She turned her face to the side to give him better access, but he was already moving down her chest. His arms slid around her, arching her back a little, and his lips settled over one up thrust breast. A little sigh escaped her, and her restless legs locked around his hips.

Her hands clamped onto his shoulders, fingers flexing with each teasing nip, every slow thrust of his hips. Liquid heat pooled in her belly.

"Is it okay?" His warm breath tickled her ear. She didn't want to talk, she wanted him to keep doing whatever it was that was making her feel so damn _good_.

"Yeah, just don't _stop_."

His laughter was low and deep, rippling over her like water. Then his full weight was on her, hard and heavy, pressing her into the mattress as his teeth nipped her shoulder, kissing his way up her neck to her lips. And finally, his lips were on hers, his tongue stroking hers in a rhythmic, blatant mimicry of sex. He was overloading her senses; she was drowning in the taste of him, the feel of him, the heat of him. He was a man of contradictions – she could feel both the tremendous strength of his arms and the surprising tenderness in the way he brushed his fingers down her flat stomach.

She couldn't know, but to Gippal, she was bliss in a five foot two inch package, a small bundle of sunshine in his otherwise dreary world. Feeling her slender arms twined around him was the culmination of his deepest dreams, and he wasn't about to let this one end in disappointment.

He felt the muscles of her stomach clench as his fingers slid down, brushing her clit. Her mouth broke from his, and a little gasp escaped her as her eyes opened, dazed and brilliantly green. She obviously hadn't been expecting that. Her nose bumped his, and her cheek slid against his as she sought his lips. He stroked her again, eliciting the same little husky gasp.

"There?"

"Yes. Oh, god, yes." Her hips lifted, trying to prolong the contact. She was so close. He could feel it in her tensed thigh muscles, flexing against his hips, hear it in her quickened breathing, see it in the way her nose scrunched up and her head fell back against the cool sheets. He figured he'd give her one last chance to change her mind, because it was an awfully big thing, and she might regret it in the morning.

"Rikku, I can still stop."

"No!" Her nails dug into his shoulders, stinging sharply. "I swear, Gippal, if you leave me like this…"

"It might hurt." He'd never slept with a virgin. His fingers slid over her slick flesh reassuringly, and her hips bucked.

"I don't…I don't _care_. God, you've got to _do_ something. You're killing me!"

"You've got to relax, I don't want to hurt you." His finger circled the entrance to her body, gently pressing in. A little sob burst from her throat, her hips arching up to meet his invading finger. Finally, he met resistance. He felt her flinch.

"This might hurt a little, okay?" His lips touched her forehead as she nodded, and then slanted across her mouth, taking her surprised little whimper as his fingers thrust resolutely through the thin membrane. For a few moments he just held her, rocking her against him. He kept her hovering right at the brink of fulfillment, teetering on the edge of completion.

"Are you all right?"

She answered his question by grabbing him, right through his boxers.

"_Now_, Gippal."

"Are you sure?" She was already tugging at the waistband of his boxers. "This can wait. You don't have to do this."

"_Now_, Gippal!"

He chuckled, dragging her hands out of his shorts and shucking them off himself.

"Don't hurry it, kid. There's no rush."

She could have screamed, but then he was pressing against her, and ever so slowly sliding inside, and it was _perfect_. She arched up, urging him deeper, and by the time their hips touched, they were both panting. His trembling fingers smoothed her hair back from her face, jaw clenched tightly. Everything in him was urging him to take her fast and hard, but he wouldn't risk hurting her. This time it was important, this had to be perfect for her.

She was making little gasping sounds in the back of her throat, and he bent to feather a kiss at the corner of her mouth.

"You okay?"

Rikku didn't know. Whatever she'd expected it to feel like, it wasn't _this_, because she could feel him so deep inside her that she could almost _taste_ him. As it was, her toes were curling, and something deep in her belly had gone all melty and _hot_.

"Rikku." His cheek rasped against her throat, and all of a sudden she realized why he'd taken to calling her 'kid', or 'Cid's girl'. She could _hear_ the reverence in his voice when he said her name. Her arms slid around him, and she moved tentatively, hearing his agonized groan.

"_Please_, Gippal." Her feet rubbed along his hair-roughened legs, moving restlessly. Her nails dug into his shoulders, scraping across his skin, and he shivered.

"Cut it out, kid. You're gonna make me _crazy_." He pulled her fingers off his shoulders, looping one of her arms safely around his neck, and linking his fingers with the other. He stretched their linked fingers out as far as he could above her head, effectively pinning her in place. His free hand slid beneath her hips, lifting her as he rolled his hips.

Her head fell back, throat working convulsively. Inside, she _throbbed_. She felt like a tightly coiled spring, ready to burst free. And he kept up that deep, unhurried stroking, pushing her closer and closer to the edge. Her fingers squeezed his rhythmically, then finally shook free of his hand to cling helplessly to his neck.

"God, you're beautiful." He wondered if she was even listening to his praise. Her eyes were squeezed shut and she was biting her lip, trying to contain the little breathy moans he so liked to hear. His hands cupped her hips, forcing the pace slow and soft. They weren't having sex, they were making love, and he wanted Rikku to know it, to realize that he'd never loved a girl the way he was loving her.

A little whimper escaped her, sounding as if she were being tortured.

"Shh, honey. Take it slow." His voice was husky.

"I'm going to _die_," she wailed, bucking her hips.

"We'll get there." He rewarded her with a grinding thrust, feeling her pulse around him. "There's no hurry."

"Now. _Please_ now." Her voice broke on a sob and her back arched.

"Okay, honey, hang on." He gave her what she wanted, lifting and changing the angle, thrusting hard. He was rewarded with a gasping moan. Her fingers clutched, her thighs squeezed, and her sharp little teeth sunk into his shoulder. His lips touched her throat, nuzzling along the sensitive flesh to settle over her fluttering pulse. He sucked hard on the spot, bringing blood to the surface. He wanted to leave his mark on her, to leave proof that, if only for this night, she was _his_ girl.

He felt her convulsing around him and gloried in her fulfillment, delighted by the way she clung to him, as if she never wanted to let him go. It was an attractive concept, and he surged against her, seeking his own satisfaction, imagining years and years of this blissful togetherness.

- -

"Don't panic." He said it so casually, so gently that Rikku almost listened. But her mind was whirling. Too much had happened for her to fully absorb and accept. One of his arms was wrapped around her waist, the other under her head, fingers stroking her bare shoulder. Her back tensed, and he turned her to face him.

"Hey," he said, brushing back her hair. "I said not to panic."

"I'm not," she mumbled, avoiding his eyes. She wanted to sink under the covers and disappear. Or maybe run away and hide out on Besaid for a little while.

"You are, too." He pulled her close, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "Just relax, okay?"

"I _can't_." She wanted him to let her go. She wanted him to hold her so tightly that she forgot about everything but him and her and them together. It was all so damn _confusing_.

He captured one of her hands, bringing it to his lips, kissing each finger individually.

"Pretend it's a sleepover."

It was such a ridiculous idea that she snorted.

"Yeah, because we used to do this _all the time_ at ours. This is _so_ much like a sleepover, Gippal." But she liked the way he was handling the situation. For now it was nice to forget that they were best friends, and best friends weren't supposed to be lovers. He moved just a little closer, molding his body to hers, wrapping her in a cocoon of warmth and security. It felt nice to be this close to someone, to have someone's arms around her, even if it _was_ just Gippal.

"Stop thinking and go to sleep, kid."

How had he known? She resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him like she used to when they were kids. Besides, she thought, he might take that as an invitation to _suck_ on it like he'd been doing earlier. The thought made her shiver, and she was afraid to admit to herself that it wasn't an altogether unpleasant thought.

"I'm not tired," she said finally, turning in his arms.

"I am," he mumbled into her hair, which she'd inadvertently flung into his face when she'd turned. He brushed it away. She snagged a bit, and swished it under his nose. He flicked her forehead. "Quit it. You're depriving me of sleep, you know. I'm going to have a horrible hangover in the morning, and it's all your fault."

"Oh, yes," she agreed sarcastically, "I really shouldn't have forced half a bottle of whiskey into you. My mistake. Won't ever happen again." She shoved him playfully, and he rolled onto his back, covering his face with his hands.

"Are you _trying_ to torture me?"

She slid a leg over his hips, sitting astride him. "Oh, I don't know."

But he knew. His hands cupped her hips, holding her there.

"Rikku?"

She sighed softly, laying her head on his shoulder, her fingers tapping a strange rhythm on his chest.

"_Again_, Gippal. Please."

And really, who was he to say no?

- -

His first thought when he woke up the next morning to an empty bed was that she was long gone and he wouldn't see her again until she chose to come out of hiding. But a moment later the bedroom door opened quietly, and Rikku tiptoed in, wearing one of his shirts and a pair of his pajama pants.

"I thought you'd be gone by now," he said. She jumped in surprise, nearly dropping the plate and glass she was carrying.

"I thought you were asleep. Don't _scare_ me like that." She set her dishes on the nightstand.

"Sorry," he sat up, rubbing his aching head. She hesitated.

"Did…did you _want _me to leave?"

"No, of course not," he replied. "You know you're welcome to stay as long as you like." He swung his legs over the side of the bed and immediately wished he hadn't. The room spun, and his stomach rolled. "You wouldn't happen to have any aspirin there, would you?"

She handed over a few small pills and the glass, which contained orange juice.

"Thanks," he said, tossing them back and handing back the glass. Gingerly, he leaned back against the pillows. She sat down on the bed beside him, reaching out to feel his forehead. He thought it was sweet, the way she was fussing over him. He took her hand and kissed her palm.

"Come here," he said. He held out his arms. She fidgeted for a moment, looking uncomfortable. He sighed – expecting anything to be easy with Rikku was a bit like hoping for snow on Bikanel.

"Just for today," he said. "And then, if you want, we'll never talk about it again."

She hesitated, but only for a moment. And then she was in his arms, curled up against him, and her lips were on his.

"Okay," she said, finally. "But just for today."


	4. Chapter 4

Rikku wasn't sure what she hated more – that every time Gippal so much as _said her name_, she went as gooey as a roasted marshmallow or that he'd kept up with his promise to never discuss their one brief interlude and was currently openly pursuing a local Al Bhed girl by the name of Lelina. It had been a little over a month since that one night, and he'd been seeing the girl for three weeks now. And Gippal _never_ had a steady girlfriend. She'd rarely seen him with the same girl twice.

It shouldn't bother her. She knew there was no reason for it to bother her. And she _really_ didn't want to admit that it hurt just a little bit every time he told her how great Lelina was or how much he liked spending time with her – and he _did_ tell her because, after all, they were still best friends, just like he'd promised they'd be.

But she'd begun to realize just how much she'd unintentionally hurt him over the years, because now she was on the other end of the situation, and growing more and more irritated by the day. It was all so frustrating – she knew she had no claim on Gippal, and, moreover, she was entirely responsible for that. It was _her_ condition he was upholding. So why did she feel so helpless? And why did the thought of Gippal and Lelina together make her so goddamned _mad_?

She sighed, resting her head against the cool tabletop, trying in vain to collect her scattered thoughts. Her stomach rolled just _thinking_ about it.

"Hey, kid."

Rikku jumped, slamming her knee against the underside of the table, grimacing as Gippal came into the room. He was shrugging into a shirt as he entered, and Rikku averted her eyes to avoid staring. He ruffled her hair affectionately.

"You've gotta get going. Lelina's going to be here any minute."

"Are you sleeping with her?" Rikku clamped her hand over her mouth, wishing the words unsaid. She couldn't look at him, and she could feel a flush creeping up her cheeks. He sighed, and she heard the legs of a chair scrape across the floor as he took a seat across the table from her.

"I don't think it's really any of your business," he said gently. "It's probably for the best. That night was a mistake. I was drunk, but I still took advantage of you. It should never have happened. So let's just forget it, okay? We'll both get on with our lives and stay friends."

"Okay." Rikku forced the word out. She felt sick, shamed, and hurt. Somehow it had all gone wrong. "I gotta go." She bolted from the room and out of the temple, stomach heaving rebelliously. She made it to the straggly weed patch near where her airship was parked just in time to be violently ill. Her knees hit the dry soil, and she bent forward, retching uncontrollably for what seemed like forever. Vaguely, she was aware of someone holding her hair back, pressing a cold compress against her face.

"Gippal," the woman cried, "I need some help over here!"

"No, it's okay, I'm fine." Rikku swiped her hand across her mouth, allowing the woman to help her up. She stood on trembling legs, looking up at the taller woman. Lelina.

"Are you sure? I'm sure there's an extra room in the temple you can stay in until you're better."

It would have been so easy to hate her, Rikku thought. If only she'd been hostile! But she was so genuinely concerned, making sure she was within easy reach of Rikku while she waited for Gippal to appear.

"Rikku! Are you okay?" He stuck his head out the temple door.

"No, she's not!" Lelina called back. "She's pretty sick. You'd better fix up a bed for her."

Gippal made a face. "We were supposed to have dinner!"

"It can wait!" Lelina replied. "I swear," she said to Rikku, "men just can't prioritize, can they."

But Rikku knew better. Of course he'd rather spend his time with his girlfriend than with his erstwhile best friend. She was no competition for Lelina. No competition at all.

"No, really, I'm okay," she mumbled. "I've got a cabin on my airship. I'll be fine. It's just a little food poisoning."

"If you're sure," Lelina said with a smile. "I do have plans with my boyfriend, but I'd feel better knowing you were okay."

_Boyfriend._ Oh god, there was that nausea again. Rikku forced a smile.

"Thanks anyway," she said, "but really, I'm okay."

- -

"You are the stupidest man in Spira," Paine said conversationally as she dropped onto Gippal's sofa. Gippal braced himself for another lecture.

"By all means," he replied sarcastically, "tell me exactly in what way I've offended you."

"Not me," Paine hissed, "Rikku."

"Rikku?" Gippal was taken aback. "I offended Rikku? Why, because I wouldn't tell her whether or not Lelina and I are sleeping together?"

"Partially," Paine admitted. "Since you brought it up, _are_ you sleeping with her?"

"Well…no. Not yet, anyway." He sighed, taking a seat on the coffee table. "Why the hell is everyone so interested in who I'm sleeping with?"

"Normally, I could care less," Paine said, "but you're making one of my best friends miserable, and I generally hurt people that do that. As I count you a friend as well, I am inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that you aren't _intentionally_ fucking with her emotions."

"Look, Rikku wants to be friends. Fine. I'm okay with that. But she can't have her cake and eat it too, you know? I'm not going to just sit around forever and wait for her. She's gotta make up her mind already."

"You still love her."

"Yeah," he sighed, "and that's why I haven't slept with Lelina. Because I really _do_ like her, and it wouldn't be fair to her, you know? It's not her fault I don't love her."

"If you love Rikku, why are you making her miserable? You _do_ realize that you're only reinforcing every single thing that made Rikku intentionally avoid a relationship with you, right?"

Gippal stared at her blankly. Paine sighed.

"Look, Rikku loves you. If she didn't, she'd never have slept with you. Even if right now she only loves you as a friend, she still _loves_ you."

"For god's sake, Paine, it was a pity fuck," Gippal snapped. "She sure as hell doesn't love me."

"D'you _really_ think she'd have slept with _you_, when she'd never slept with _anyone_, not even any of her _boyfriends_, if she didn't love you? It meant something to her, and she _thought_ maybe it meant something to you." Paine snarled back.

The attack gave him pause.

Paine continued brutally. "And then a week later you start dating some other girl. She always thought you were too much of a player to take a chance on, Gippal, and you just _proved_ it. And on top of that, she's just the kind of girl that Rikku thinks she could never measure up to. If that wasn't enough, you told her your relationship with Lelina was none of her business, _and_ you told her that sleeping with her was a _mistake_. How the hell was she supposed to take that?"

Gippal faltered. He hadn't considered any of it. He'd hoped that Lelina would make Rikku jealous, of course, but he'd all but given up hope lately, since Rikku'd been spending less and less time in Djose and had grown increasingly uncomfortable around him.

"And what really pisses _me_ off is that you've forced _me_ to be the intermediary in your love life, because I just can't stand to see Rikku cry. So get your head out of your ass and be a man for once in your miserable life."

"Rikku _cried_?" For some reason it didn't sit right with him. He felt like a jerk, lower than pond scum for being the cause of Rikku's distress.

"That's all she's done since she found out about your infatuation," Paine confirmed. "She wishes she'd never found out. And that she'd never slept with you. See, where I come from, men try to make the women they love _happy_, but all you've ever done is make her miserable."

"What the hell do you want me to do," he asked. "She doesn't want to be with me. She made me promise we'd never talk about sleeping together. She _obviously_ doesn't want a relationship with me."

"She probably doesn't _now_," Paine said, "which is your own damn fault, Gippal. But haven't you known her long enough to know that she _never_ knows what she wants? You've got to _show _her what she wants. God, how do I get sucked into these positions? I give up. I'm just going to let you ruin your own love life, thank you very much."

She stood up, striding resolutely towards the door.

"Hey, Dr. P, wait a minute."

"You know I hate that nickname," she huffed.

"Yeah, I know." He stood. "Look, I'll go see her and make her talk to me, okay? If it'll make her happy, I'll stop seeing Lelina. I don't…" he hesitated, dragging a hand through his hair. "I never wanted to make her unhappy. That's the _last_ thing I want."

Paine nodded. "That's good enough for me. Just be careful with her, okay? She's been really emotional lately. Just last week Yuna asked her to pass a butter knife and she broke down crying. Seriously. A _butter_ knife."

Gippal laughed at Paine's disgruntled expression.

"Anyway," Paine pulled a dagger from the strap at her waist, twirling it absently. "I just don't want to see Rikku so upset. So be good to her." She reached for the door.

"Before you go," Gippal began, "you might be interested to learn that I got a commsphere call from Baralai a couple of days ago. He said that if you showed up, I should tell you that he's sorry and he loves you and he wants you to come home." He grinned. "Care to explain?"

"Not really." Paine shoved the dagger back into its sheath with more force than was strictly necessary. "He got his panties in a bunch because I refused to wear a dress."

"A dress?" Gippal made a face. "To what?"

"Our wedding."

"You're _married_?"

"Have been for going on three months now."

"But you've been on Besaid with Yuna and Rikku for a couple of months at least." Gippal couldn't make sense of it. Paine, _married_. And to Baralai!

"Yeah, well. He wouldn't let it drop, so after the ceremony, I dropped him off in Bevelle and left." Her voice calm, but he could sense how much Baralai's nagging had hurt her.

"Well, Dr. P. You might want to work out the issues in your own love life before you-"

"You _really _don't want to finish that sentence," Paine advised.

"Got it." Gippal shut up.

- -

The knock on her door came early in the morning – much earlier than Rikku normally would have been up and about, but she'd been having trouble sleeping lately. She tried not to let her surprise show as the door opened to reveal Gippal. Her hand trembled, nearly spilling her ginger tea.

"Careful." He took it from her, stepping inside and looking around. "Nice place you got here."

"Yeah, Pops had it built. It's small, but it's all mine, and even Home was never that. Want something to eat?" She led him into the small kitchen.

"I should probably be offering to cook for you. You look like death warmed over."

"You charmer." She rolled her eyes, sitting down at the table, hunched over her cup of tea.

"Really, Rikku. You don't look well. Are you doing okay?" He reached across the table to touch her hand, which she swiftly jerked away.

"I'm fine," she said. "Just getting over a cold." She tugged her nightshirt further down her bare legs, wishing she'd thought to put on some pajama pants beneath it. She just hadn't expected _Gippal_ to visit. She pressed a hand against her pale cheek, willing herself to feel as lively and animated as ever.

"So, what brings you all the way to Bikanel?"

"You, actually." He slouched back, looking vaguely uncomfortable.

"Me?" Her eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Yeah," he sighed. "We need to talk."

"What about?"

"I think you know."

"You said we'd never have to talk about it." She chewed her lip, hating the plaintive tone of her voice.

"Yeah, well, I really think we need to."

She blinked back tears. "I won't tell her. I swear I won't. It's…like you said, it was a mistake. I won't tell anyone."

He sighed. "Rikku, I'm going to stop seeing Lelina."

"Why would you do that? She's great. She's…she's nice and pretty and…she's just great. I like her." Her fingers linked around the ceramic cup, and her eyes stared straight down into the liquid inside it. He realized that Paine had been right – he really _had_ done a number on Rikku's self-esteem. She was closing herself off from him, distancing herself emotionally and physically.

"I don't love her," he said. "I like her. She's a great girl. But I'll never love her, and it's not fair to keep her around, waiting."

Rikku shrugged. "It's none of my business, like you said. I don't care if you're sleeping with her or dating her or whatever. I'm your friend, not your mother."

"Liar," he scoffed. "It's driving you crazy. But for the record, I never slept with her."

"It's none of my business," she repeated. "It's not like you have to lie to protect her reputation or anything. I don't gossip."

"Rikku, I really never slept with her." He felt like tearing out his hair. "Really. I couldn't sleep with her when I still…care about you."

"Don't say that." She stood, taking her empty cup to the sink to rinse it out. "I don't blame you for moving on to someone better. We can still be friends."

He made an irritated sound in the back of his throat. "Would you stop that? I hate hearing you talk about yourself like that."

"Like what?" The cup clinked against the metal bottom of the sink as she set it in. A strong pair of hands gripped the counter on either side of her, boxing her in, and she tensed.

"Like you don't think you're good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or whatever." His voice was warm, right next to her ear. She suppressed a shiver.

"I'm not, okay? You even said I look like death warmed over." She stepped closer to the sink, trying not to seem as unnerved by his closeness as she was.

"You're still beautiful." He moved closer still, his chest touching her back, pushing her against the counter. Her fingers bit into the countertop.

"Stop crowding me." She would have turned around to shove him out of the way, but there was no room left to maneuver in. His fingers touched her hip, skimming up beneath the thin fabric of her shirt. She swatted at his hand ineffectually, until his free arm encircled her waist, drawing her back against him.

"What are you _doing_?" She squeezed her eyes shut, willing him to just disappear.

"You're beautiful." He ignored her question, feathering his lips over her ear, across her cheek. "You're smart." His fingers caressed her thigh, and her breath hitched in her throat. "You're funny." He touched her _there_ and her back arched. "And I love you."

"Don't _say_ that." She didn't believe him. He'd been going around with another girl. How could he claim to _love_ her when he did that? "Don't _lie_. I don't care. I never asked you to love me. I never _wanted_ you to love me."

"You were so jealous of Lelina. You were practically twitching with it." She could hear the amusement in his voice.

"I wasn't." She gasped as he stroked her, shivering and pressing against his invading fingers. Her knees trembled. "I like her. I wasn't jealous."

"You were, too. It's okay. I wanted you to be jealous." His teeth scraped her shoulder and he kissed the back of her neck. He brushed her hair over her shoulder, kissing the warm skin he'd uncovered. His breath was warm on the back of her neck, and she shivered. He hissed as the little involuntary shudder pressed her back against him, her rear against his groin. She could feel him, already hard, prodding her backside. She grappled desperately for self-control.

"I'm not going to…to sleep with you again." It sounded more like a question than a statement.

"Whatever you say, honey." He laughed a little, but he never stopped touching her. And, god, she was so afraid that she was going to come right there in her kitchen, bent over the sink. But no matter what he said, he wasn't about to just let her go and leave.

"I'm not going to sleep with you," she insisted. "Not when you've been sleeping with _her_." She had keep talking, keep reminding herself of all the reasons why it would be a bad idea to sleep with him.

"I never touched her," he reiterated. "Not once, not like that. How could I, after you?" His breath sighed out heavily. "Do you remember that night? God, it's all I can think about most nights, finding you in my room looking so perfect, and I wanted you _so_ much. You'll never know how much," he purred huskily in her ear. She closed her eyes. She couldn't think with him whispering erotic little things in her ear, couldn't keeping fighting for sanity, couldn't find the strength to pull his hand out from under her nightshirt.

"You have to stop," she gasped. Her knees were going to give out any second, she was sure of it. "I'm going to come. _Please_, Gippal."

"Please what?" He didn't stop. He didn't even _pause_. "Do you _really_ want me to stop? Don't you remember what it was like? Don't you want it again? I'll never forget what it felt like, what you looked like, what you tasted like. God, I was so deep inside you I thought we'd never come apart."

That was all it took. She came apart with a little wail, shuddering in his arms. He held her until it was over, whispering nonsensical endearments. Then, while her knees were still weak and her breath still came in heavy pants, he swept her off of her feet and into his arms.

"Where's your bedroom?" He whispered the question, not wanting to ruin the quiet intimacy of the moment.

"Last door on the left," she whispered back. Her head settled against his shoulder, fingers absently sliding through the soft hair at the nape of his neck. He nudged the door open with the toe of his boot, depositing her gently on the bed. He jerked off his boots and scooted onto the bed beside her, tugging her nightshirt over her head. She buried her face in his shirt, curling up against him as he wrapped his arms around her. It was strange - she was naked and he was fully-clothed, and yet he only held her, stroking his hands smoothly up and down her bare back.

"You're still dressed."

"So I see."

She rubbed her fingertips against the rough fabric of his shirt. "You can't be comfortable."

"I'm not." He linked their fingers, brushing his lips across her knuckles. "It's easier to resist temptation while fully-clothed."

"You don't have to do that." She did a little embarrassed nose-dive into the front of his shirt.

"_You _said you didn't want to." She could hear the smile in his voice.

"Yeah, well." She twisted onto her back, tugging him over her. "I lied."

- -

His hand caught her wrist as she was sneaking out of bed.

"Don't run away just yet," he murmured, still half asleep.

"I'm not running away," she lied. But she allowed him to pull her back down on the bed into his arms. His fingers burrowed into her hair caressingly, and his lips touched her shoulder.

"I know you," he said. "I know you'll run away to Yuna and Tidus' for a while until you get everything straightened out. I know I can't keep you from going, so I'm not going to try. I just want a few more hours. Can't you wait until morning? It's not even midnight yet."

_No, _she thought, _I can't stay until morning. I've started getting sick in the mornings, and I don't want you_ _to guess when _I'm_ not even sure yet.  
__  
_It was just one more item on a long list of issues she had to work through, and though she wanted to have someone to tell her worries to, the one person she really wanted to tell was the _last_ person she felt like she could talk to. Because she still didn't know just what they were to one another. And she didn't think she'd make a very good mother. And she wasn't sure if he even _wanted_ kids.

"Gippal?" She tapped her fingers on his chest.

"Mmm."

"How do you feel…about kids?" She held her breath.

"Kids?" He echoed, confused. "Kids in general? Or having them?"

"Having them, I guess."

"I don't know. I never really thought about it." He laughed. "I guess I'd like them someday."

"Someday?" she pressed.

"Well, yeah. Not anytime soon. Maybe in a couple of years, when things at the Faction slow down a little and I can afford to hire more workers. I can't very well have a bunch of kids running around my workshop, can I?"

"No," she said. "I guess not."


	5. Chapter 5

There was a familiar face on the deck of the inbound ship arriving from Kilika. Yuna waved, jogging up the dock, waiting for Gippal to step off the ramp.

"You're a little late," she said. "I was expecting you weeks ago. Something wrong at the faction?

"No," he replied. "I just got sick of waiting for Rikku to come out of hiding. It's been two months, now. Where is she?"

"Sick. She's been sleeping a lot lately. Some days she can't even stand getting out of bed." Yuna smiled wryly. She remembered well that period in the early stages of pregnancy.

"Poor kid. She should take better care of herself. I'll see that she does when I take her back to Djose." He kept pace with Yuna, loping up the sandy trail towards Besaid village.

"She won't go with you," Yuna warned. "She won't want to see you for a while." _Or, more appropriately_, she thought, _she won't want __you__ to see __her.  
_  
"Why not? We got along fine before she ran off here." He stuck his hands in his pockets. Yuna patted his shoulder sympathetically.

"Gippal, for such a smart man, you're dumber than a sack of hammers."

"What do you know that I don't?" He eyed Yuna suspiciously.

"It's just a little thing," she said. "Rikku's pregnant."

Gippal stumbled, catching himself just in time to avoid a face full of sand. "_What_?"

"She's pregnant," Yuna repeated patiently, "and _you_ don't want kids."

"I never said that!" He protested. "I just...it's only that...are you _sure _she's pregnant?"

Yuna nodded. "When she's not throwing up, she's eating everything that's not nailed down. She's nearly three months along now, I'd guess. She's starting to show, so she's taken to wearing less revealing clothing."

Gippal couldn't imagine it. She'd been flaunting that thin, lithe body since she'd grown boobs. He took a shaky breath. 

"Wow," he said. Suddenly he didn't feel all too steady. "I gotta sit down. A kid. I'm gonna be a dad."

"So it would seem," Yuna said. "Are you mad?"

"Are you crazy? Of course I'm not mad." He plopped down on tree stump. "I like kids," he said. "I just didn't think I'd have one of my own so soon." He ran his fingers through his hair, replaying his last conversation with Rikku. She'd been trying to tell him she was pregnant, trying to gauge his reaction, and he'd scared her away from sharing it with him. "Shit. She didn't want me to know."

"No, she didn't," Yuna confirmed. "And you'd better not upset her. It could be dangerous to the baby."

"I won't," he promised.

"So you _do _want the baby, then," Yuna observed.

"It's my kid. How could I not want my own kid?" He stared off into the distance. "God, what if I'm not a good dad? What if Rikku doesn't want _my_ kid?"

"I think she's scared," Yuna said. "I think she's scared of being a mother, scared that you don't want a baby, and scared of doing it on her own. She really needs you right now. She cares a lot more for you than she wants to admit. I think she's terrified you'll reject her."

"Can I see her?" A plethora of emotions flickered across his face - shock, surprise, fear, amazement, but there was no anger, no bitterness. Yuna figured she'd done the right thing.

"She's staying with us. I'll take you to her." Together they walked the dirt path down into Besaid village. As they approached, the door to Yuna's home burst open, and a little blonde whirlwind flew out.

"Mama!" the child shouted. "Uncle Gippal!"

"Niya! Come back here, you! It's time for your nap!" Tidus dashed after his daughter, who latched onto Gippal's leg and clung.

"Hug!" she demanded, holding out her arms. Obediently, Gippal picked her up, allowing her to link her chubby arms around his neck. She planted a wet kiss on his cheek.

"_You _need to take your nap, young lady," Gippal admonished gently, handing the child back to her grateful father. Yuna was pleased. Gippal would make a good father.

"We set up the hut for her," Yuna explained, leading Gippal around the back of their little cottage. "We figured she might want some privacy, and Niya _can_ be a little loud when she's not happy."

The small hut had been the first home that Yuna and Tidus had lived in together, but before their daughter's birth they had decided on building a bigger home. Still, they had kept their small hut, and it was used from time to time as a guesthouse when they had visitors.

"She's not been well lately," Yuna said. "She's probably still sleeping." She disappeared around the little house, and Gippal swept the fabric covering the entrance out of the way.

The small room was dark, and Rikku was curled up in the center of the little bed, fast asleep, her arms wrapped protectively around her midsection. He sat down at the edge of the bed, sliding his fingers into her thick, tangled hair. It felt good to be near her, good to touch her again. Her breath sighed out heavily, and she stretched out. He thought she might've woken up, but she only shifted onto her back, turning her face into his palm.

Carefully, he eased her twisted nightshirt up over her hips, laying it just below her breasts. Yuna had been right – her normally flat, smooth stomach was just slightly rounded.

His baby. His and Rikku's. A sense of wonder filled him – it was a strange feeling, knowing that he was going to be a father - that she was going to have his child. Gently, he set his palm over the slight swell of her abdomen, wondering when it was that babies started to move. Had he _really_ thought he wanted to wait for kids? He couldn't remember why it was, at least not now, with his hand on her stomach, over their baby. He felt closer to tears than he'd ever been in his entire life. It was odd and just a little scary that all at once he could love something that _hadn't even been born yet_ so much.

He leaned over, touching his lips to her stomach.

"I love you already, kid. I promise, I'll be the best father in all of Spira. I can't wait to meet you." He slowly rearranged her nightshirt and tucked the covers securely around her.

"Be safe, Rikku." He brushed a tender kiss across her temple. Then, quietly, he eased out of the little hut.

Yuna was waiting for him outside. "How'd it go?" she asked.

"She was sleeping. I didn't wake her." They walked a little ways away so their voices wouldn't carry back to Rikku. "Do me a favor. Don't tell her I came here. Don't tell her I know she's pregnant."

"Why not?" Yuna's curiosity was piqued.

"She obviously doesn't want me to know, yet," he sighed. "Besides, I've got things to do. I've got nowhere to put a baby. Babies need…rooms…and…things. And, oh, god, I've got to talk to Cid. He's going to kill me. No, wait. He wouldn't kill the father of his first grandchild. He'll just maim me." He fisted his hands in his hair, sinking to the ground, laughing a little. "Oh, god, I'm going to go crazy."

Yuna had seen Tidus go through a similar breakdown when notified of his impending fatherhood. She was beginning to wonder if it wasn't a universal trait in men.

"Gippal, calm down. It's a baby, not the end of the world. It'll all work out fine. I'll keep your visit a secret, if you like." She placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks." He sighed, collecting himself. "Send her around to Djose in a couple of weeks, will you? Tell her whatever'll get her to come. Convince her I'm oblivious. Say I wouldn't know a pregnant woman if I sat on one. Just…whatever it takes, okay? I'm not going to let my kid grow up without a father."

-

Cid had never seen Gippal looking quite so grim. Gippal was young and personable – a carefree man with an easy smile. So there was something disquieting about seeing him so tense, so preoccupied.

"What brings you here?" Cid asked, leaning back in his chair.

"There's no easy or tactful way to say this, sir, so forgive me for being so blunt." He braced himself for Cid's anger. "I got Rikku pregnant."

For a moment, the words didn't sink in. Cid struggled to grasp the concept, make some sense of the foreign idea.

"You _what_?" He rocketed out of his chair, facing down the younger man. Gippal stood, meeting Cid's furious gaze.

"I got Rikku pregnant," he repeated firmly. "I felt you should hear it from me. I don't want Rikku to be upset or stressed in any way right now."

Blood roared in Cid's ears. Pure rage shot through him. He took a swing, and his fist connected satisfyingly with Gippal's jaw.

"Feel better?" Gippal spat a mouthful of blood, working his injured jaw delicately. Already it was turning an angry shade of red.

"Yeah, actually." Cid rubbed his raw knuckles. "You didn't even duck."

Gippal laughed, a dark sound of self-loathing. "I expected it. Hell, I deserved it."

"Do you love her?" Cid sat back down, a little calmer for having vented some of his anger.

"Yes." Gippal's answer was firm, and he had no trouble meeting Cid's eyes. "I do love her. I'm not sorry she'd pregnant. I like kids. I'll love our kids. I know it's not exactly the conventional way to go about it, but I needed to come tell you myself. I'll take care of her. And your grandchild."

"Does she love you?" Cid eyed Gippal suspiciously.

"I don't know." Gippal sighed. "I wish I did. It's a complicated situation. She doesn't know that _I_ know that she's pregnant."

"She doesn't?" Cid was growing more confused by the minute.

"No. The last time I saw her, she asked me how I felt about kids. I told her I didn't want them anytime soon. I didn't know she was trying to tell me she was pregnant. So now she's convinced I don't want kids. She ran off to Besaid, and the only reason I found out at all is because Yuna took pity on me."

"So what're you going to do?"

"Well, right now I'm fixing up Djose temple. I'm turning one of the antechambers into a nursery. I'm hoping that I can convince her I _do_ actually want our kid before she disappears and I never see her again." Gippal pressed his hands over his eyes. "God, I'm hopeless. Look, I came here to ask for your help."

"_My_ help? You got yourself into this mess, boy. What d'you want _my _help for?" Cid crossed his arms over his chest, doing his best to look intimidating.

"I don't know anything about being a father. I want you to teach me. I figure since you raised Rikku you can't be all that bad at it." He leaned forward across the table. "I want Rikku and this baby more than anything. I'll do whatever it takes."

Cid considered the proposition for a moment, then he slowly extended his hand across the table towards Gippal.

"You got guts coming here, boy. I respect that. Still," he tightened his grip on Gippal's hand, "you'll do right by my baby girl, or I'll kill you. Understood?"

"Yeah," Gippal replied. "I got it."


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey there, beautiful. How're you feeling? Yuna said you'd been sick."

There was something reassuring about seeing Gippal's smiling face in the commsphere. On some level she'd been afraid that he'd be irritated with her for hiding away for nearly three months now. Or maybe that he'd decided he really _did_ like Lelina better, after all. But he was smiling at her like he was thrilled to see her.

"Yeah, I was. I'm a lot better, now." It was sweet that he was concerned about her. Something about his jaw looked a little funny. Was it dirt? She leaned in for a closer look. A bruise, maybe? "What happened to your face?"

Startled, he touched the fading bruise on his jaw, rubbing thoughtfully. "It's nothing," he said, "I just…ran into something."

"Oh? What?"

"Someone's fist." He grinned. "Think you're well enough to come visit me for a while? I'd love to have you." _In more ways than one._

She hesitated. "Well, uh…"

"Ah, I see how it is." He shifted closer. "Yuna said you'd gained a little weight, and that I should tactfully not mention it because you're a little sensitive about it," he confided. "But I think you're beautiful regardless, okay? Come see me."

Rikku was relieved; she'd thought she would have to spend the next couple of months hiding from Gippal, but it seemed that Yuna had bought her at least a little time.

"Okay," she said finally. "I'll come."

--

Pending Rikku's arrival, Gippal instructed all Faction employees to ignore Rikku's weight gain and to keep her out of the right-wing antechamber, the room he was turning into a nursery, by any means necessary. He was going to have to tread very carefully, immerse Rikku in an atmosphere of comfort and security if he wanted her to feel safe enough to tell him about their baby. He wanted her to feel wanted, valued, loved. Maybe if he could get her to trust him, _really_ trust him, she'd _want_ to stay with him. Maybe she wouldn't feel like she had to hide her pregnancy from him. Maybe she'd realize that he really _did_ want their baby.

"Hey, boss. Rikku's airship just landed. She'll be in any minute."

Gippal thanked the worker who'd jerked him out of his reverie and took the stairs two at a time in his haste to reach the door. He jerked it open, not at all surprised to find Rikku on the other side, poised to knock. She held a small bag clutched in front of her, strategically concealing her stomach. From the size of the bag, he guessed she wasn't planning on staying too long in Djose.

He hoped he could change her mind about that.

"Hey." He stepped back, allowing her to move slowly inside.

"Hey." She wrapped both arms around her bag, studying her toes. Her shirt was just a few sizes too big, obviously chosen to hide an expanding waistline.

"I'll take your bag up." He reached for it, but she backed a step away.

"No, that's okay. I can get it." She blushed a little, obviously embarrassed.

"I insist." He held out his hand. "Come on."

Reluctantly she relinquished the bag, watching his expression as she handed it off to him.

As soon as he had it, he wrapped his arms around her, gathering her close to his chest. He could feel her stomach pressed against him, the small swell that cradled his child.

"I missed you," he told her, kissing the top of her head.

Her fingernails scraped over his back, her cheek pressed against his shoulder. Maybe it was just hormones, but suddenly she felt like crying. He loved her. She'd hid from him for three months, and he _still_ loved her. She didn't really understand it. He was forever making sacrifice after sacrifice for her sake; if she told him about their baby she knew he'd do the responsible thing and keep making sacrifices for them. There was only so much one man could take. What if he ended up resenting her for forcing him into a situation he clearly was uncomfortable with? What if he resented their baby? A lump formed in her throat, strangling her, choking back all the things she wanted to tell him, all the things that would tie them irrevocably together yet force them apart. She didn't want their friendship to end. She didn't want to make him sacrifice anything else for her sake. She'd do just find on her own.

"I missed you, too," she whispered back. She ducked her head against his shoulder, willing away the tears that suddenly filled her eyes. But he heard the little shuddering breath she drew in and put her a little ways away so he could see her face.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He set down her bag, wiping a few tears away. She twisted her fingers and bit her trembling lower lip.

"Nothing," she said. "I…I just…" she sniffled. "I missed you."

Gippal wasn't that stupid. He knew she wasn't crying because she missed him. But he said nothing – instead he picked up her bag, slung it over his shoulder, and grabbed her hand.

"Come on, let's go put your bag up, and then I'll take you out to lunch." He was already pulling her up the stairs. He opened a door and dropped her bag on the bed.

"This is _your_ room," she said hesitantly.

"Yeah," he said. "I thought maybe you'd want to sleep with me?" Suddenly he looked a little sheepish, like he hadn't imagined she'd protest. "I mean, you can have your own room if you want," he said awkwardly, "it's just that…I always sleep better when you're with me."

She liked that he wanted her with him. And really, she didn't get sick that often anymore in the mornings. And if she did, he thought she'd been sick lately, and he wouldn't think anything of it.

"Okay," she said. "I think…I'd like that."

His fingers squeezed hers gently, pulling her a little closer to him. "I love you," he said softly.

To her complete horror, her eyes filled with tears again. A little hiccough escaped, and she clamped a hand over her mouth. He loved her, and she was keeping such a big secret from him. What would happen when he found out? How would he feel about the woman who'd _lied_ to him? What could she do, tell him and let him sacrifice his career to take care of them, or not tell him and risk him one day discovering he'd fathered a child and she'd never told him?

"Rikku," he sighed, drawing her into his arms, stroking her hair. "Why won't you tell me what's wrong?"

"It's nothing." She pulled away, swiping her eyes with the sleeve of her too-big shirt. The shirt that concealed her big stomach and her bigger lie from him. She forced a smile. "Really. It's nothing."

--

"You really need to eat more." He watched her pick at her food, pushing it around on her plate. "You need nutrients, in your condition."

Her fork clattered noisily to the table. "In my condition?" she echoed weakly. Her face was pale, eyes wide and frightened.

Shit. "Yeah. You've been sick, right? You won't get better if you don't eat right." He averted his gaze. Obviously it was going to be harder than he'd thought to keep his mouth shut.

"Oh." She tucked a stray bit of hair behind her ear with trembling fingers. "Oh, yes, you're right." Obediently, she scooped up a forkful of eggs and shoveled them into her mouth.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to sound so disapproving." He sighed, leaning back in the chair. "It's just…I worry about you." And about their baby. How was the stress of Rikku's secret going to affect their child? "I want you to get better."

"I'll be fine." She patted her mouth with her napkin, looking past him rather than at him. "I'm sure it's just a virus."

--

So many things separated them now. Even in bed at night, though separated by only inches, it felt like miles. She slept fitfully, tossing and turning, murmuring things too low for him to hear, trapped in nightmares spun from her guilty conscience.

During the day she spent most of her time helping around the faction, though he gave her simple, non-physical tasks to keep her from straining herself. She spoke little and spent too much time staring into the distance, eyes wide and lips pursed, as though she was looking into the future and it wasn't pleasant.

She became jumpy and nervous, starting every time he appeared unexpectedly, and all too often she wore a look of undisguised panic on her thin, pale face. She made a conscious effort never to touch her stomach when he was with her, doing her best to draw his attention away from where their child rested.

Despite his best efforts, she was losing weight, losing sleep, and gaining stress. She was living on her nerves, and it showed. She was so concerned with keeping him from suspecting anything was amiss that she wasn't taking care of herself like she should have been. All in all, she was making him more and more concerned. And the more concerned he got, the harder she worked to keep him from worrying about her.

He was at his wits' end. He was thinking of sending her back to Besaid just so she could quit trying so hard and rest. Surely all the strain she was under couldn't be good for her or their baby. It was either that, or reveal to her that he knew about her condition, in which case she'd probably run off before he could explain to her that he _did_ want their baby. Either option was bound to cause problems.

Ultimately, though, Rikku forced him to a decision herself, when Gippal returned from Luca one afternoon and found her outside, working on repairing a hover. She'd just lugged a heavy part across the workshop and out the door unassisted when he arrived. It took a moment for the sight to register – he saw the sweat dripping down her neck, saw her climbing back underneath the hover, saw the heat rise in waves off the dark, scorching asphalt.

Fear and anger jolted through him. Panicked, he dragged her out from under the heavy machine. She blinked at the sudden jerk, then gasped as he yanked her off the ground and into his arms.

"Gippal, what's the matter with you?" she exclaimed, dropping the wrench she'd been holding to stabilize herself by grabbing onto his neck. He was already inside the temple, taking the steps two at a time towards the room they'd been sharing.

"What's the matter with _me,_" He shouted as he dropped her on the bed. "What's the matter with _you_!"

"You're not making any sense!" She hoisted herself up to stand, but he placed both hands on her shoulders, forcing her back down.

He shook her once, hard, commanding her attention."What the hell d'you think you were _doing_ out there?" He shouted. "Have you lost your goddamn _mind_?"

"I…I was just fixing a hover," she defended, shocked at the unexpected attack. "I thought you'd be _happy_."

"You thought I'd be _happy_ that you put our baby at risk so you could fix a goddamn _machine_?" He asked incredulously. Her eyes went huge in her suddenly-colorless face, and her fingers came up to stifle the horrified little sound that slipped from her tight throat. Angrily he jerked away from her, whirling to face his dresser. He slammed his fist down on the wood, cursing. He'd never felt quite so helpless in his life, and he didn't much like it.

"You knew?" Her voice wobbled. "You knew all the time?"

"No thanks to _you_," he accused. "_I_ had to find out from _Yuna_. What were you gonna do, Rikku? Just hide my own kid from me forever? What kind of mother _does_ that? It's like you don't even _care_. Are you _deliberately_ being reckless? Do you hate the thought of having my kid that much?"

As soon as he said it, he wished he could take it back. His gaze flickered briefly to her face, momentarily disarmed at the broken expression on it. He turned away – he couldn't look at her, couldn't look her in the eye knowing he'd caused that bleak hopelessness he'd read on her face. He braced his hands on the dresser and closed his eyes for a moment. He'd hurt her. He'd taken out his personal fears on her, made horrible, unfair accusations.

"Gippal, I wouldn't…" her voice broke. She tried again. "I wasn't…trying to…" She gave up trying to explain herself. He imagined she was probably just sitting there, waiting for him to continue his tirade. He scrubbed his face with his hands, wondering how he was going to be able to apologize for his horrible temper, for the terrible things he'd said to her. He stood silent for a moment, collecting his thoughts, feeling his anger fade and guilt and remorse sink in.

"I'm sorry," he said finally. "I had no right to say those things. I know you wouldn't do anything like that. I was just so worried about you, about our baby. I know it's no excuse. But I hope you can forgive me for the things I said."

He waited for a sound, a sign she'd heard him, that she'd understood, that she'd forgiven him, that she _hadn't_ forgiven him, _anything_. But nothing came. When he finally turned around to face her, hoping he could make her understand, he found an empty room. Sometime between her attempted explanation and his attempted apology she'd fled the room.

"Rikku? Rikku!" He ran out the room and down the stairs, calling out to the small group of workers gathered around outside."Did Rikku come by?"

"Yeah, she wanted to take her airship, but it's being serviced right now so I let her use a hover instead." The man examined Gippal quizzically. "She seemed upset. Is someone hurt or something?"

"No." Gippal felt like tearing out his hair. He always seemed to be doing exactly the wrong thing, saying exactly the wrong thing. "At least, not yet."

--

Rikku rode the hover at a furious pace until she reached Luca. There she boarded a ferry bound for Bikanel and spent the short trip being seasick over the side of the large vessel. It was early evening when she reached the new Al Bhed camp. Cid didn't look at all surprised to see her, and he quickly ushered her inside his tent

What're you doin' here, kid?" He asked gruffly, heading towards the small kitchen to get a glass of water.

"Pops, there's something I need to tell you," Rikku replied, taking a deep, calming breath. "I'm pregnant."

"Yeah, I know. So what're you doin' in Bikanel? You should be in Djose." He curled her fingers around the glass of water. "Drink up. Keep hydrated. That's my grandkid you're carrying."

"You knew, too?" Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. He took a seat opposite her, leaning forward on his elbows.

"Yeah, Gippal came calling maybe two weeks ago. Gutsy move, I coulda punched his teeth out."

So _that_ was where he'd gotten that nasty bruise! "You _hit_ him?"

"What was I supposed to do, _thank_ him for knocking up my baby girl?" He snorted. "But he turned out to be a good kid, all things considered. Responsible. Hard-working. He wants that kid somethin' fierce."

She took a shuddering breath. "He thinks I don't care," she said softly. "He thinks I was _trying_ to get rid of the baby."

"What'd you do to make him think that?"

"I was just fixing up some machina."

"Outside?" He persisted. "In the heat?"

"Yeah. How'd you know that?"

"He called here. And Besaid and Bevelle, too. He's got everyone watching out for you. Driving everyone nuts, calling every fifteen minutes to check in." Cid sighed. "He's worried sick about you."

"He thinks I'll be a horrible mother."

"Rikku, that boy loves you. He wants that kid. He doesn't want to lose either of you. He came here to tell me about your baby and ask my advice, he let you keep your secret from him, and he's bending over backwards to give the both of you a permanent place in his life. I think you scared him, made him feel helpless. I think you need to go back to Djose. Give the boy another chance."

"Why are you defending him?" Rikku asked incredulously. "You _hate_ anyone I'm seeing on principle."

"He's earned my respect," Cid replied. "Besides, I think he's got what it takes to handle your stubbornness. He'll take care of you."

"I don't need a keeper!"

"You do if you keep putting yourself and your kid in danger. There's only so much he can do, Rikku. You gotta take care of the rest. I think you owe him an apology. And," he said, "if I hear tell of any more of your shenanigans, I'll paddle you myself." He took her empty glass to the sink, and walked her to the door. "Take care of yourself, baby. And don't be so hard on that boy. Now, git." He shooed her towards her hover. "You be careful on the way home."

"Djose isn't home, Pops. This is Home."

"This ain't your home anymore, kid. This is just a place you stay from time to time. You gotta make your own home in the world."

Probably it was just the relief of having so heavy a burden lifted from her shoulders, but she just _knew_ she was going to cry again. It was the closest thing to permission Cid was ever likely to give.

"Thanks, Pops." She dashed away the tears. "I love you, you know."

"Yeah, I know." He kissed her cheek in an unusual display of affection. "Make sure you don't keep that boy waiting too long. He's a little twitchy, if you ask me." From inside the tent, they heard the sound of the commsphere attempting a connection. Cid rolled his eyes. "That's probably him again." He went back inside, leaving Rikku on her own. She stuck around a moment to listen.

"Any sign of her?" Gippal _did_ sound a little frantic.

"She was just here, son. I gave her a talking-to and sent her back." Cid replied. "You can probably expect her within a few hours. Might wanna let everyone else know she's turned up so they don't stay up half the night watching for her."

Rikku knew she'd have to get back to Djose. After all, it was her fault that Gippal was so 'twitchy', as Cid had called him. But still, she couldn't help feeling a little touched.

Cid had called Gippal _son_.


	7. Chapter 7

The trip back to Djose seemed longer somehow. Probably because before she'd been too sick, too afraid, too hurt, to desperate to escape to do much thinking. But now, making her way slowly back to Djose in the cool of the evening, she had too much time. Too much time to feel guilty about making Gippal worry about her, making him worry about their baby. Probably making him wonder what kind of mother she would make, if she kept doing such stupid things.

And really, she had no idea what she was doing. He was probably right, she'd probably make a terrible mother. She'd always thought that maybe it came naturally, that you instinctively knew not to do certain things, that you _had_ to do other things, that you always just _knew_ exactly what was best for a baby.

Yuna had always seemed to know. It had always looked so _easy_ for her. Yuna certainly had the mothering business down. Rikku, however, knew nothing of it. She didn't even remember her own mother. She had no idea what role a mother played in a child's life.

It seemed even _Gippal_ knew better than she did what was good for the baby. He'd been right; she had no idea what she was doing. What kind of mother would she make? She had no business raising a child.

How would Gippal look at her now? She didn't know if she could handle his rejection, his censure. Cid had said he was worried, but was it worry over her, or worry over what dangers she might pose to his unborn child? It frightened her too much to think about. 

--

There was nothing for Gippal to do but wait, and the waiting was killing him. Cid had said he'd sent Rikku back to Djose, but really, who could really say she'd return? He'd driven her out. What was there in Djose to entice her to come back? She had nothing but time to replay the terrible accusations he'd made, and she was on edge enough _without_ the added strain of his condemnation.

Probably she was wondering what kind of father he'd make, whether or not she could trust him around their child. There was absolutely nothing keeping her from running away and escaping from him, from his anger and derision. There was nothing to keep her from cutting her loses and avoiding him for the rest of their lives. His carelessness might've cost him his child and the woman he loved. Not that he'd been doing a particularly admirable job of proving it to her.

Probably she was regretting sleeping with him, wishing she could take back the thing that had gotten her into such an unpleasant situation.

Probably she didn't want _his_ kid. Probably she'd never be able to forgive him.

He didn't want to think about that, didn't want to even consider the idea that she might not want such a permanent tie to him. He didn't want to think that maybe he'd hurt her too badly, damaged their relationship too much to salvage anything of it.

He didn't _want_ to think about it. But he couldn't help it.

--

Night had long since fallen when she made it back to Djose. She could see the lights on in the temple, though all seemed quiet within. It was chilly outside and she wanted to go in and wrap herself up tightly in a warm, soft blanket, but she knew that Gippal would be there, waiting for her.

Maybe he'd be angry. Maybe he'd shout at her some more. Maybe he'd toss her bag at her and tell her to get the hell out of his life. Maybe he'd ignore her entirely and maybe they'd live as polite strangers until their baby was born and they could work out some sort of custody arrangement.

Despite Cid's assurances, Rikku was more nervous than she could ever remember being, more terrified of Gippal's reaction that she'd ever been of Sin or Vegnagun. Gippal knew she was pregnant, knew she'd been lying to him for months. She'd have to apologize to him for that. It was his baby, too. He was entitled to know about it, to not have it hidden away like some sort of dirty secret.

Silently she climbed the steps, stomach churning. What could she say to him? What explanation could she possibly offer? Slowly she twisted the handle, easing the heavy wooden door open. The hinges creaked, and she winced at the harsh sound.

He was waiting inside just a few feet away. His hair was sticking up at odd angles, like he'd been tugging at it all night, and he looked almost…surprised to see her. She closed the door behind her and twisted the lock, biting her lower lip to keep it from trembling. She didn't want to see his face, see his disapproval, so she looked instead at the tile floor, twisting her fingers nervously.

Gippal hated seeing her like that, so uncertain, looking so lost and lonely. He'd been working so hard at trying to be a good father that he'd ended up being a lousy best friend, a failed lover.

"Rikku." He took a step towards her, wanting to hold her, wanting to comfort her like he should have been doing all along.

"No!" She thrust out her hands, taking a few steps away from him. "No. There's…there's something I have to tell you." She forced the words out quickly, still looking at the floor. She drew in an unsteady breath. "I'm pregnant. I should have…I should have told you before." A little hiccough. "I'm sorry." She squeezed her eyes shut. A tear rolled off the tip of her nose, splattering on the tile below. A few more followed in quick succession. "I'm…I'm really sorry, Gippal."

He crossed the space between them in two short strides, jerking her into his arms, tucking her head against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pressed her head to his shoulder with his free hand, holding her tightly against him.

"I love you," he whispered against her hair. "God, honey, I'm so sorry. I should never have said the things that I did. I didn't mean them, Rikku, I promise."

"Maybe you were right," she said slowly. "I'm not like Yuna. Maybe…maybe I won't be a good mother." And yet there was nothing she could do; her baby would be born regardless of whether or not she'd make a good mother. It was so _unfair_. It didn't deserve a mother like her. She felt out of control, helpless, completely unprepared for her impending motherhood.

Gippal didn't know what to say to reassure her. After all, he'd been the one who'd made her doubt herself in the first place. And it was a slippery slope, one from which she might never fully recover. She might forgive him for the things he'd said to her…but she'd never forget them. He knew there were going to be bad times, times when they'd fight, times when they'd yell and scream at each other. But he hoped he'd learn to bite his tongue and never say anything so damaging to her again.

Her small hands fisted in the soft fabric of his shirt, drawing his attention away from his self-loathing thoughts back to her.

"I'm scared," she whimpered. "I'm really scared. Gippal, what if I'm really _not_ a good mother? What if I _hurt_ it? What if…"

"You'll be fine. _We'll_ be fine," he said, stroking her hair. "Don't worry so much about it. It's not good for the baby."

It was the wrong thing to say to her after all that had come before, and he realized it as soon as he said it. She jerked away from him, wrapping her arms around her midsection.

"Everybody knows what's best for my baby but _me_," she wailed. "Here's an idea! Why don't _you_ have it and see how _you_ like everyone second-guessing every single thing you do!" She frantically swept away the bitter tears from her cheeks, drawing in harsh, heaving breaths.

"Honey, I'm sorry." He didn't like the pain and anger he read in her expression. He didn't like that she felt that everyone had turned on her. He especially didn't like being lumped into the 'everyone' category. "I didn't mean it like it sounded." He dragged a hand through his already-rumpled hair, sighing. "Look, we'll both be first-time parents. We'll learn together." He reached for her, but she dodged his hands.

"Don't touch me!" She skittered back behind the sofa, feeling a little safer now that there was distance and furniture between them. She couldn't seem to force herself to calm down, to stop crying. If he touched her, if he tried to comfort her she might never be able to stop.

"Okay," he held out his hands appealingly. "I won't come any closer, see?" He was using the sort of voice one might use with a frightened child, and she resented it. "Honey, why don't you tell me what's really bothering you?"

"You said you would make me _happy_," she said accusingly. "But I'm _not_. I'm _not_ happy, Gippal!"

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I'm sorry, honey." It seemed lately all he could do was apologize. But each apology seemed to cheapen those that had come before. For someone who loved her, he had an awful lot to be sorry for. He didn't know where they stood anymore. Their relationship was in some sort of limbo, teetering dangerously on the edge of oblivion. He'd been wrong all around, and she seemed in no mood to forgive him his trespasses.

Worst of all, she looked...shattered. Like he'd broken something in her, something fragile and delicate and he had no idea how to repair it, if it could even be repaired. He didn't like being responsible for her distress. He didn't like knowing that he'd broken something that he might not be able to fix. He was a great mechanic, he could fix damn near any sort of machine. But he couldn't fix people. He couldn't fix _Rikku_. And he kept making things worse, making her worry, making her scared, hurting her when he should be protecting her. It was dangerous, harmful to her and harmful to their child. He didn't want to upset her if he could help it, if maybe he could spare her a little worry and heartache. She needed him, even if she didn't know that she did. She needed someone to look out for her, to be on her side, to keep her safe and secure. And he hadn't been doing that very well.

"Baby, why don't you go on up to bed." He took a seat on the couch, a non-threatening position. "You've had a long day. I'll…I'll bring you something to eat in just a little while."

She hadn't been expecting such an abrupt end to their confrontation. She didn't really know what had happened, how she should react.

"Okay," she said finally, meekly. She turned around, heading for the staircase.

"Hey, Rikku?"

She stopped, turning just a little. He wasn't looking at her. He was bent forward, elbows on his knees, hands clasped together thoughtfully.

"Yes?"

"I love you, okay?" He leaned back, sighing. "No matter what, I love you."

--

She realized when she got upstairs that there was nowhere for her to stay except in his room. Another bedroom would take time to fix up, and she didn't really want to do anything besides crawl in bed. She rummaged through his drawers in search of a shirt to use as a nightshirt, then she quickly changed and slid between the cool covers. She curled up in a tight little ball and closed her eyes, too tired to cry anymore. The hurt went too deep for tears.

He said he loved her. She didn't really believe him. And even if he _did_, how long would it last? Until their baby was born? Until he got tired of taking care of them? How long would it take for him to start seeing her as a burden, as a constant draw on his energy, on his resources. How long until she was a liability?

How long until he decided he didn't want or need her anymore? She buried her face in the pillow and drew in a shaky breath. She wasn't just _scared_, she was _terrified_.

"You awake?" The bed depressed and his hand sifted through the covers, seeking her out.

"Yeah." She surfaced, glad it was too dark for him to see her very well. She didn't know what showed on her face, what he would read in her eyes.

"I brought you some soup." A spoon clinked against a ceramic bowl. "And some bread and butter."

She struggled to sit up, letting the blanket fall around her waist as she reached for the plate he offered. He brushed back her bangs, stroking her hair.

"Thanks," she said, biting into the soft, white bread. Suddenly she was ravenous. "I didn't even know I was so hungry."

She thought maybe he would leave, but he didn't. He just sat there, running his fingers through her hair. It made her nervous, made her feel awkward and uncertain.

"You don't…you don't have to stay if you don't want to."

"I want to." He sighed, easing up off the bed. For a moment he stood there just watching her, trying to compose his thoughts, to work them into some sort of order. He wanted her to understand his feelings, his fears. But he didn't want to upset her further. "Honey, even if I make you mad, even if I make you cry, please don't run away again. Scream at me, _hit_ me if you want, but don't just…just _leave_." He stood up, pacing the room, raking his hands through his unruly hair. "God, I was so worried. I thought I was going to go crazy."

She swallowed, feeling her throat close up. She hadn't anticipated this.

"I imagined all sorts of horrible things, all sorts of horrible accidents that you might get into, and that it would all be my fault for making you run, that I would lose you and the baby, that I'd never…that I'd never see you again." He covered his mouth with one hand, squeezing his eyes shut. "Please don't run away anymore. Please."

"I'm sorry," she said finally. It wasn't fair to him that she could leave and put their child in danger, that there wasn't a thing he could do about it. "I was…" Hurt. Angry. Scared. Miserable.

"I know." He dropped down onto his knees by the side of the bed, grabbing up her hands. "I know, honey. I'm sorry. I wish I could take it all back." He kissed her fingertips.

"You said you didn't want kids," she said dully.

"That's not true. I want our baby, Rikku. Yes, ideally I would have wanted to wait a while for kids, but I never meant I didn't want them at all. I love you. Of course I want our baby." He wanted to touch her, to hold her, to feel the small swell of her stomach and alleviate her fears. To reassure her, to take away her apprehension. But there was nothing he could do that would make the slightest bit of difference.

"Okay." The word was soft, forced out only because she felt like she was required to acknowledge his little speech. Somehow he doubted she actually believed him. "I think I'll…go to bed now," she whispered. "If you don't mind."

"Go ahead." He kissed her knuckles, holding her hands against his cheek for a moment. Even if she didn't want to touch him, even if she didn't want him to touch her, he still loved the feeling of her soft skin against his. "Get some sleep. I'll come to bed in a little while." He faltered. "That is, if you don't mind. I can sleep somewhere else, if you'd prefer."

He was always making concessions for her, sacrificing everything for her comfort. She felt her eyes welling with tears again. Always he was sacrificing. How could she ask him for more that he had already given? "No." She turned her cheek against the pillow, staring at the stone floor. "No, that's all right. It's your bed."

"All right." Somehow he'd upset her again. He had no idea what was bothering her so much, what he could do to fix it. "If you change your mind just let me know." He picked up the plate on which he'd brought her dinner and left.

--

"Rikku, you awake?" he whispered as he slid into bed. She didn't stir, didn't make a sound. Carefully he shifted towards her, inching forward until he could wrap his arm around her waist. Still she didn't stir, not even when his hand moved over her stomach, tracing the gentle curve, feeling the proof of her pregnancy. He worked his other arm beneath her pillow, carefully shifting her into his arms. Her nightshirt had hitched up to her thighs, and he slid his hand beneath it to rest on her stomach so that the only thing between him and his child was her warm, soft skin.

He wanted the distance between them, the distance that he'd been suffering for her sake, to disappear. He wanted her to share everything with him, her fears, her worries, her joys, her _heart_. He wanted to help shoulder her burdens, be her strength, be her comfort. But he didn't think she planned to let him.


	8. Chapter 8

He always tried so hard not to wake her when he got out of bed. He made it a long, drawn-out process, a slow crawl towards the edge, moving carefully, listening for her breathing, for any soft sound of protest as he slid silently out of bed and crept across the floor towards the bathroom. He tried so hard not to disturb her sleep. But she always woke up anyway, the second he carefully pulled away from her, the instant his arm lifted from its typical position, draped over her waist, his palm resting soothingly on the curve of her stomach.

Probably he thought she didn't know, didn't notice that he came to bed late and left early. Probably he thought she didn't know that he would always wrap his arms around her, cradling her against his chest, and sleep with one hand always settled possessively over her stomach, over their child. 

She'd never asked him to set up another bedroom, and he'd never said anything else about it, so they'd just ended up sharing the same bedroom for the last two weeks, although they shared relatively little else.  
He was usually busy, and though he often brought her lunch or dinner, or even breakfast on occasion, they didn't really spend a lot of time together. It worried her, because she was trying to think of baby names and pick out baby furniture and start looking for baby clothes, but he was always so busy that she didn't know how to go about asking him to do those things with her. She didn't even know that he'd want to. It was just that there were precious few months left, and she didn't want to waste any time. She didn't want him to miss this, and she didn't want to make any decisions without him, especially if he _did_ want to be included.

And they didn't really talk, so she didn't know anything about what he wanted, if he had any names in mind, if he wanted a girl or a boy or what. More and more she felt like an intruder, an outsider, someone who had no place in his life but persisted in trying to make one anyway. She didn't know how to talk to him anymore. Once they'd been so close, so open, so friendly. She missed it, she missed him smiling at her, joking around with her, teasing her, laughing with her. She missed her best friend and mourned the loss of their relationship.

She hoped that maybe they could recapture something of it, but that would certainly never happen if they didn't start communicating. And neither of them seemed particularly inclined to be the one to break the tenseness between them.

She'd made up her mind to drag him inside from the workshop and insist that they start talking, start sharing things. She wanted their child to have two parents, parents who, even if they didn't love each other, cared for each other. Parents that were at least friends, parents who could present a stable, happy life to their child.

She didn't know exactly what she was going to say to him, how he was going to react, what he would think of her proposition. She was a little nervous, a little uncertain. She could only hope she wouldn't stumble over the words, that he wouldn't sense her discomfort, her anxiety.

She made her way down the stairs slowly, arranging the words in her mind, searching for the right phrases, the right explanations that would make him understand her, that would let her feelings reach him. More than anything, she wanted to share her fears with him, share her worries and her thoughts and her hopes, and she wanted him to share his, too. She wanted him to care about them, to reassure her, to comfort her. To…to _love_ her. She wanted him to love her, to love their child.

She touched the doorknob, gathering her strength.

A tentative knock sounded at the front door, and she jumped, startled. Her confrontation would have to wait; business came first.

She pulled the heavy door open, and her mouth formed a little 'o' of surprise.

"Lelina?" She had no idea what the other woman was doing in Djose, and Lelina looked just as shocked to see her. Rikku tugged the hem of her shirt and pursed her lips. Probably she had business here, maybe a machine that needed to be repaired.

"Please, come in." Rikku stepped back, allowing Lelina passage. The other woman wrung her hands nervously. Rikku felt strangely like a usurper – obviously she had come between Lelina and Gippal, and probably she made Lelina as uncomfortable as Lelina made her.

"Can I get you something to drink? I was just going to make some tea, if you'd like some." She tried to sound as natural as possible, polite, cordial, and not much more. Lelina was a customer, not a friend.

"That…that would be nice, thank you." Lelina stood awkwardly in the foyer as Rikku scuttled around the small kitchen, pulling down a few tea canisters from a shelf and setting a teapot to boil.

"Are you here to see Gippal?" Rikku strove to be politely inquisitive, indifferent.

"Actually I was, but…but I think I'd rather talk to you, first."

"Me?" Rikku turned, curiosity piqued. "Why me?"

Lelina's face was flushed, and her hands were fisted at her sides. "I want you to give him back to me," she whispered. "I…I…I _love_ him. It's been months, but I _still_ love him." Her lower lip quivered and big, crystalline teardrops trembled on her eyelashes. Rikku was amazed; Lelina even _cried_ pretty. She was pretty sure that _she_ looked horrible when she cried.

"I…I…." Rikku was horrified; she'd never in a million years anticipated something like this. She'd thought that Lelina had been gently but firmly set aside, that she would never again be a point of contention, that she would be gone and _stay_ gone. "I don't…I can't…"

"I _love _him. I love him more than anything." Lelina's shoulders shook with silent sobs, and she brushed her tears away carelessly. "He told me he loved you, but you don't…you _couldn't_ love him like I do. If you leave him, maybe one day he'll love _me_, instead." She took a few steps forward, gripping Rikku's shoulders. "If you don't love him, give him to me!"

Rikku couldn't take the intensity in those tear-bright green eyes. She tried to speak and accomplished only a little strangled gasp.

"Lelina."

Lelina jumped, eyes wide and startled. She let go of Rikku and turned a little. Rikku peered over her shoulder. It was Gippal, and he looked none too happy.

"Oh…oh, Gippal. I didn't…I wasn't…" Lelina twisted her fingers, biting her lower lip.

"We were just…talking," Rikku managed. She hoped she didn't look as shaken up as she felt.

"Lelina, let's have a talk." He nodded towards his office, and the other woman took a few hesitant steps towards the room. "Alone, if that's okay, Rikku."

Rikku nodded, tucking her hair behind her ears with fingers that shook. She ducked back into the kitchen as the teapot started its shrill whistle and stood over the sink for a few moments, trying not to be sick. Somehow the whole affair turned her stomach.

Mechanically she retrieved a pair of ceramic cups from a cupboard, setting them on a little tray. She busied herself with pouring milk into the cups and scooping sugar into a tiny sugar bowl. When the tea was ready, she poured it carefully into the cups and carried it carefully towards Gippal's office.

The temple carried sound well; she thought that perhaps Gippal had forgotten that when he'd led Lelina into his office. Ordinarily she might've felt guilty for eavesdropping, but it simply couldn't be avoided.

"It's not _fair_," Lelina wailed. "Why couldn't it be me? I'm prettier, I'm thinner, I'm probably _smarter_. Why not _me_?"

Rikku tried not to take it too personally; Lelina was upset, and justifiably so. Besides, it was all likely true. There was no sense in getting mad over the truth. Still, she figured it would be more tactful to wait until a lull in their argument.

"It's got nothing to do with you." Gippal sounded a little frustrated, though Rikku couldn't imagine why. "It's always been Rikku. I'm sorry, I should never have led you on. It was wrong. I apologize for that." He sighed, a heavy sound of discontentment. "But, Lelina, I don't love you. I'm not ever going to love you. I love _Rikku_."

"She doesn't love you. You know that, don't you?" The question was posed in a shaky, heartbreaking cadence, a desperate plea for the impossible.

There was a sort of heavy silence emanating from the room, a dark, deep despair.

"Yeah," he said finally. "Yeah, I know." It was said with a sort of resigned acceptance. Tears pricked Rikku's eyes. She felt guilty, ashamed that, while Gippal had always tried to reassure her of his feelings, had always tried to make her comfortable, to keep her happy, she'd given him _nothing_, not even the hope that one day she might love him, too. She struggled not to sniffle, afraid that she'd be overheard.

"But _I_ love you." There was a little sob; Lelina's perfect, beautiful voice cracked with sorrow. "Why do you want someone who doesn't want you? She doesn't love you, but _I_ do!"

Rikku figured that would be as good a time as any to pop in, if only to save Gippal from an uncomfortable situation, from having to defend himself. She balanced the tray on one palm and twisted the door knob with her free hand. She pushed the door open, stepping inside.

Lelina stood with her arms flung around Gippal's neck, pressing her lips to his. Rikku's tray tipped dangerously, and she hastily grabbed it with her free hand to steady it. Gippal thrust Lelina away from him resolutely, watching Rikku with a pained expression. Guiltily, Lelina shrank back.

For a moment none of them spoke. The silence roared in Rikku's ears. Nervously, she let out a little giggle. It was a strange reaction, one she couldn't account for.

"I just…I brought you some tea." She set the tray down on Gippal's desk. "I'll be leaving now. Sorry for interrupting." She turned towards the door.

"Rikku."

She stopped, but she didn't turn around. "Yes?"

"Wait for me in the kitchen, okay?"

She knew what he was saying. _Please don't leave again. Please give me a chance.  
_  
She turned a little, pasting on a bright smile. "Okay. I'll be there." She inclined her head briefly towards Lelina. "Enjoy your tea."

---

Gippal scowled as the door closed gently behind her. He wanted to shout, to scream, to curse. Rikku was never going to believe him, she was never going to forgive him for what she thought she'd seen. He could only imagine how shocked she must've been, how horrified, how angry, how upset. Again she was going to have worries, again he'd given her reason to doubt him.

He should've kicked Lelina out of Djose the minute he'd seen her. She was a sweet girl, a good person, but she could only cause trouble for him, could only complicate an already complicated situation.

"Gippal, I…I'm sorry." She touched his shoulder. "I didn't plan that; you know I didn't."

He backed a few steps away, sighing. "You have to go, Lelina. You have to stay away from Djose from now on." He braced his hands on his windowsill, looking out over the courtyard.

"I don't understand. I don't want to go anywhere. I love you." She reached out to him again, but he shrugged off her hand.

"Rikku's pregnant," he said slowly. He heard her soft intake of breath.

"_Pregnant_?" She said it like it was a foreign concept, like she'd never imagined that sort of thing.

"Yeah, about four and a half months, now." He pushed away from the window. "I love her, even if she doesn't love me, even if she'll _never_ love me. That's not gonna change." He took a deep breath and continued on harshly. "I don't want you here, not around Rikku and not around our baby. You could only hurt her, and I'm not going to let that happen."

Lelina curled her hands at her sides. "I see," she said slowly. It really was hopeless; Gippal was forever tied to Rikku. As long as there was hope of some sort of a relationship for them, Lelina was out of the running. She'd been out from the very start and she hadn't even known it. Rikku had won the race without trying. She blinked back bitter tears. "I'll…I'll let myself out, then."

She opened the door quietly and crept out.

---

Rikku patted her hot cheeks with her hands. She was trembling, and she didn't know why. Maybe she was afraid. Afraid that Lelina could offer him something that Rikku couldn't, that Rikku couldn't offer him enough in return to stay, that he might realize exactly what it was he'd be giving up by choosing Rikku. That maybe _his_ love wouldn't be enough. That maybe she could kill it. That maybe she _had _been killing it all along.

She didn't want that. She didn't want Lelina to take Gippal away from her, not now that she really needed him. She took a seat at the kitchen table, resting her head on her hands, closing her eyes. There was really nothing she could do but hope that Gippal wouldn't be tempted by Lelina's charms.  
"I'm sorry."

Startled, Rikku turned. Lelina stood in the doorway, seeming smaller somehow, twisting a gold bracelet around her wrist nerously.

"Huh?" It wasn't the most intelligent of responses, but she couldn't fathom why Lelina would be apologizing to her.

"I…I'm sorry." Lelina looked up briefly. "I shouldn't have come. It…It was wrong of me. Especially since…" she trailed off, looking pointedly at Rikku's midsection. Rikku laid a hand there protectively. So Gippal had told her. But why?

"I want you to know, what you thought you saw…it wasn't his fault," Lelina offered hesitantly.

"I know," Rikku said. And she had. Of course she'd known. That wasn't Gippal, not at all.

"You…you do?" Lelina's eyes went wide with surprise.

"Yeah." She sounded stronger this time, more sure. Surer that she'd been of anything in a long time. With each passing moment she grew stronger, more secure. "I know him. I trust him." It was surprising how it had taken such a situation for her to find her faith in him.

"Oh," Lelina said weakly. "That's…that's nice. That's good." She bit her lip, probably fighting tears again. Rikku felt bad; it wasn't Lelina's fault, not really. No one really got to choose who they fell in love with. "I'm…I really am very sorry," Lelina whispered. "I won't…I won't come back here again."

"I'm sorry, too." Rikku stood, and took the other woman's hands in hers. Lelina had shown her kindness once, a kindness that Rikku had resented. They were just the same.  
"I'm sorry, but I can't give him to you."

"I know." Lelina sniffled, wiping away a few tears. "Thank you. For the tea, I mean."

"Come back sometime." Rikku offered Lelina a smile and a handkerchief. "I'll make it for you again."

---

Gippal hadn't really expected to find Rikku waiting for him. She'd never been the clearest of thinkers, and her pregnancy seemed to be exacerbating her tendency towards flight. It was a surprise to find her sitting on a kitchen chair, flipping idly through a magazine as she sipped a cup of hot tea. He hadn't even prepared his explanatory speech yet, since he'd anticipated seeing hide nor hair of her until she was good and ready to confront him.

"It wasn't what you think," he said as he took a seat at the table across from her.

"I know," she said calmly.

"I mean, I know it looked bad, but really, Rikku, I swear that I didn't know what she was going to do until it was too late."

"I _know_." She drained her cup and closed the magazine. "You don't have to explain anything, Gippal. I believe you. I know you didn't do anything."

"You do?" he asked warily. "Yes," she said firmly. "I mean, I was a little shocked, I guess. I didn't expect to see _that_." She motioned vaguely. "But I know it had to be her, not you." Not if he loved her, not _ever_ if he loved her.

He let out a long sigh, slumping back in the chair. She could see the tension drain from his shoulders, feel the atmosphere in the room shift.

"You didn't even get angry. I guess I expected it. I would've been angry." He drummed his fingertips on the tabletop. "I thought you'd get angry at her at least."

She shrugged. "I can afford to be generous. I have something she's never going to have."

"Oh? What's that?"

"You." She pursed her lips, curling her fingers around her empty cup. "Gippal, I…I want to be friends again. I want to talk about things like we used to. I don't want to be strangers living in the same house, I want…" she took a little shuddering breath, willing herself to tell him everything she wanted, everything she'd been thinking, everything she'd been preparing herself to say before Lelina had arrived and spoiled it. "I want…I want to try to be a family, a _real_ family. I want to…to talk about baby stuff and shop together and…and pick names and godparents and decorate and…and all those stupid things parents are supposed to do, only I don't want to do it all on my own, I want to do it with you, and…and…" she scrubbed her eyes with her sleeve, but the tears wouldn't stop coming. "And I want you to want that, too."

"I do." Carefully he removed her cup from her tight grip and set it aside, taking her small, cold hands in his. "I want to do all that stuff with you. I thought you wouldn't want me to."

"I don't want to do it alone, I don't…I _can't_ do it alone." Her fingers clutched his, the first time in recent memory that she'd given him an indication that she wanted his touch, that she wanted his comfort. "I'm still scared. I don't know what to do. I don't know _anything_."

"Hey." He reached forward, cupping her cheek. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You can't be expected to know everything. Here, come here." He scooted his chair back, holding out his arms. She hesitated a moment, then she let him wrap his arms around her, drawing her down on his lap. She twined her arms around his neck, laying her head on his shoulder. He stroked his fingers through her hair and over her back. Then, slowly, one of his palms settled over her stomach. She sighed, her fingers sliding over his, linking through his.

"I love you." His lips touched her temple. "I'll be a good father, I promise."

"I know you will." She'd never doubted that; Gippal loved children. He'd be a wonderful father. The best. Her arm tightened around his neck, and she turned her face into the hollow of his throat. "I'm going to get fat. _Really_ fat. I'll look like I swallowed a blitzball." It was only fair to warn him.

He chuckled. "I'll still love you, even when you look like you've swallowed a blitzball."

Tears burned her eyes. She took a deep breath, breathing in his scent, warm, masculine, earthy.

"Hey, Rikku?" His fingers stopped tracing little patterns on her back. He brushed her hair away from her neck, kissing the sensitive skin beneath her ear. "I like Saaya, for a girl."

She smiled. "Saaya." She tested the name, savoring the soft vowel sounds, the delicate intonation. "It's pretty. I like it, too."


	9. Chapter 9

"No peeking." 

"I wouldn't dream of it." She was smiling – a _real _smile, a _genuine _smile, the kind he'd missed over the past couple of months, the kind she was just beginning to show him again.

He kept his fingers firmly over her eyes as they shuffled down the hall towards the antechamber – the one he'd been busy turning into a nursery, the one she didn't know about yet. The one he was going to surprise her with, now that it was finally finished.

"Keep 'em closed." He waited until she squeezed her eyes tightly shut before twisting the knob and ushering her into the room. He switched the light on, satisfied with the results of a good two months of work.

She was biting her lower lip, practically quivering with excitement.

"Okay, you can open 'em."

He wanted to see her face when she saw how he'd worked for this, how much time he'd put into it, and how he'd managed to keep it a secret, a surprise just for her.

Her eyes opened, widening just a little in shock as she took in the fully-furnished nursery. Her smile faltered momentarily, then slid into that fake smile he'd seen so much of in recent months. Something was wrong.

"Wow," she said.

"Rikku?" Worried, he set his hands on her shoulders. He'd thought she would be happy – _proud _of him. Why wasn't she happy? "Is something wrong?"

"No! No, not at all." But still that fake smile lingered on her lips. She definitely wasn't happy. "It's great. Really. You…you must've worked really hard on this. I had no idea."

It was a beautiful room, painted in a soft pastel yellow with sea-green trim. He'd picked matching furniture – a beautifully carved crib, a dresser, a changing table, and a rocking-chair. There was a pile of stuffed animals in the corner, a toy box, and mobile hanging over the crib from which dangled little stars and crescent moons. Delicate lacy curtains shaded the window. He'd thought of everything. The room was perfect. But there was nothing of her in it. Nothing at all.

She knew she should be happy – he'd gone through a lot of trouble. She _wanted _to be happy. He'd obviously done it for her. The baby wouldn't care if it had matching furniture, or pretty curtains, or a plush green carpet. But Rikku had spent countless hours poring over baby magazines, carefully marking the things she liked so that she could bring it all to Gippal for his input later. She'd spent all that time imagining what their baby's room would look like, how they would decorate it together, how they would spend afternoons sticking up wallpaper or painting, hanging curtains and building furniture.

She had never once considered that he might take matters into his own hands, and now that he had, she was silently mourning all the things she wouldn't get to do in this room, with him.

"It's beautiful." She turned that fake smile on him, and tried her hardest to make it a real one. "Thank you. I love it."

And later, as she shoved all her magazines to the back of her sock drawer, she tried to convince herself that it wasn't a lie.

---

"She's not happy. I thought she would be happy, but she's not. I don't know what went wrong. Does she not like yellow? I always thought she liked yellow."

"Gippal, you're babbling." Yuna bounced Niya on her knee, trying to split her attention between her child and Gippal, who'd called via commsphere for some advice.

"She didn't like the nursery. I thought it looked nice. I thought it looked _pretty_. I worked hard on it. So why doesn't she _like _it? I thought it was such a great surprise." He scrubbed his face with his hands, looking completely baffled. Yuna felt sorry for him. Obviously the poor man had no idea how women thought.

"I'm sure she appreciates the gesture," Yuna said slowly. "But I'm equally sure that, given the choice, she would've wanted to do it with you. Preparing a baby's room is a special thing for a woman – there's even a word for it. Nesting."

He stared at her, uncomprehending. She rushed ahead.

"She probably had some ideas of her own for the baby's room, and she probably wanted to help decorate. Maybe she's a little sad about it. She's not mad at you. She's probably happy you took such an interest in it. I wouldn't worry too much about it." Yuna grimaced, but Gippal wasn't sure if it was because she was lying, or because Niya had yanked a handful of her hair.

"So, what should I do?"

"Nothing. There's nothing to do, really. You might cook her dinner, or something. Speaking of it, I've got to get going. Niya's hungry and Tidus could burn water." She rolled her eyes. "See you. Call again if you need anything."

The commsphere disconnected and went dark. Gippal ran his hands through his hair. Probably Yuna was right. Besides, Rikku had probably gotten over it already. It wasn't such a big thing, after all.

But he'd make her dinner, anyway. He considered what he should make as he climbed the stairs with a basket of laundry. Pasta sauce made her nauseous. They'd had chicken the night before. In his ridiculously limited culinary repertoire, that left hamburgers.

He folded up a pair of her socks and opened her sock drawer, wondering if he'd have to make a run to the market. Some papers at the back caught his eye. He set down the socks and reached for the bundle at the back of the drawer.

Not papers. Magazines. _Baby _magazines. He flipped through one. She'd gone through it with different colored pens, circling the things she liked, writing notes in the margins, tagging ideas for decorations and color swatches. Rikku, so flighty and impetuous, had been so organized in this. Obviously she'd spent lots of time going through them.

He reached for the next magazine. It, too, was filled with detailed notes. And her favorite things were highlighted, with the memo 'show to Gippal' scrawled beneath them in red pen.

Obviously Yuna was right. She _had _wanted to do it with him. She'd had her own ideas, ideas she'd wanted to share with him. Ideas that were now crumpled up and shoved in the back of a drawer.

"I'm sorry."

He jerked, turning towards the doorway, where Rikku stood silhouetted. She bit her lip, hesitantly moving towards him. She gathered up the magazines he'd placed on the bed, and gently pried away the one he still held.

"I was…I should have thrown them out." She folded them up, setting the aside. "I meant to, but…"

He knew. She meant to, but she hadn't wanted to throw away something so precious to her, something she'd spent so much time on.

"I…really messed up, didn't I?" He already knew the answer.

"No! Oh, no, of course not." She slid her arms around his neck in a loose embrace. "It's wonderful, really. I never imagined…"

"We can fix it." He wanted to make it better, to make it right, to put in the things that she'd wanted. "We can change it. There's time." His arms wrapped around her comfortingly. Yuna was right – she was sad, and she was trying to salvage his pride, trying to be appreciative of him and his efforts to act like an expectant father should.

"You don't have to…" she faltered. "It's…it's beautiful how it is. Really. Any kid would be lucky to –"

He covered her mouth with one hand and scooped up the magazines with the other. "I wanted to make you happy," he said.

"You did," she said, shaking off his hand. "You _do_."

"I did _not_," he responded. "I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to, but I did." He brushed the hair back from her face. "So we'll fix it. Together." He plopped the stack of magazines in his hand down on top of her head. She grabbed for them, wide-eyed.

"Come on." He grabbed her free hand. "I'll make hamburgers, and you can show me what things you like."

"Really…?" He was already tugging her out of the room and down the stairs.

"Yeah. Sit." He urged her down in a chair as soon as the entered the kitchen. He rummaged through the refrigerator, searching for the ingredients he'd need. "You talk. I'm listening."

He went to work defrosting some hamburger meat, and chopping some vegetables. Rikku was crazy for onions now that she was pregnant, so he knew that she'd want plenty of them on her burger.

"Okay, but you're gonna think it's stupid."

"Try me." He set a skillet on the stove to heat and started chopping tomatoes.

"Well, I was thinking we could paint the ceiling blue, like the sky, you know? With white clouds and a big yellow sun in one corner. And maybe since there's green already, we could paint some grass on the walls." She stroked the curve of her belly, rising to sidle up beside him to watch him start forming the hamburger patties. "And you know, if it's a girl, later we could add flowers. So what do you think?"

"I think it's stupid." He laughed as she took a swing at him, wrapping his arms around her. "Just kidding. We'll pick up some paint tomorrow, in Luca. We can go and pick out some clothes and sheets and stuff, too. How about that?"

"I think you're fantastic." She grinned, popping a piece of onion in her mouth. He made a face.

"At least wait until there's something to put it on. Raw onions are gross."

"Are not." She grabbed a few more chunks to nibble on.

"Are too." He tossed two patties in the skillet, watching them sizzle.

"Want a kiss?" she asked as she chomped away on her pieces of onion. He looked scandalized.

"Not when you've just eaten a bunch of onions. Have a mint or something first, at least."

She advanced on him with a decidedly predatory gleam in her eyes. He backed away, brandishing the spatula so as to ward her off. It didn't work – she lunged. He'd never thought a pregnant woman could move as fast as she did, but Rikku continually surprised him. She locked her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. She tasted just a little spicy, like the onions she'd eaten, but mostly she just tasted like Rikku, sweet and soft and warm. And he could feel her belly pressing against his.

He set the spatula on the counter, and wrapped his arms around her waist. His hips nudged hers, and their lips parts when she gasped. For a moment she looked incredulous, not just surprised, but actually _shocked _that he was aroused.

"You don't…you _can't _want to…to…" Her eyebrows had practically disappeared into her hairline as she stumbled over her exclamation of disbelief.

"Why not?" His palm curved over her rear, holding her a little closer, letting her feel him.

"Well, I'm _pregnant_," she spluttered.

"Yeah. It's sexy." His lips touched her ear, and his teeth tugged her earlobe. She was rapidly forgetting her arguments.

"Pregnant is _not _sexy. I look like a whale."

"A very sexy whale." He nibbled her lower lip. And, oh, god, being pregnant had made all her hormones go haywire and had fired her libido to a crazy degree. By sheer force of will she managed to keep herself from jerking his pants to his ankles and pushing him down on the kitchen floor.

"The…the hamburgers…" she stammered helplessly, hoping to distract him. It worked.

"Shit!" He abandoned her for the smoking skillet, flipping the burgers just in time to avoid calling them a total loss. "I hope you like 'em blackened." He glared at her.

"That was _not _my fault!" She shot back.

"You jump me looking like _that _an expect me to be concentrating on food? How is it _not _your fault?" He slid the burgers onto buns, tossed a healthy handful of onions on hers, and handed the plate to her. She sat down, still miffed at him blaming her for the near-ruin of their dinner.

She glanced up at him. He pointed his fork at her.

"You keep looking at me that way, and I won't be responsible for what happens," he said. "But I guarantee you, by the time I'm done with you, neither of us will care very much what's become of dinner."

She slapped her palms to her burning cheeks. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Don't worry," he said wickedly as he polished off his burger. "You can't get _more _pregnant."

And with the way he was looking at her, she decided that was probably a _good _thing.


End file.
